Just to Feel You
by cuter-than-a-guinea-pig
Summary: Blaine and Kurt have been dating for six months when the Warbler begins to notice something a little different about his boyfriend and their extremely chaste relationship. It's not that Blaine is concerned about the slow pace. What concerns him is the realization that there is a complete lack of any physical progression.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So asexual Kurt is an idea I've been toying with for a while. I have a few more chapters written but nothing is completely planned out yet so updates might not be that frequent. So this chapter takes place around the 'First Time' episode and at the moment I plan to journey forwards in their relationship, like after high school and marriage and stuff. I hope you all enjoy and feel free to send me your thoughts!  
Lessthanthree  
Katie **

The first time he noticed Kurt's aversion to sex was during the infamous 'sexy week' implement by himself. The boy's cheeks had turned bright red and his ocean blue eye's seemed incapable of making contact with his own. Kurt had even gone as far to kick him out of his house. At the time, Blaine's biggest worries were that he had made the boy uncomfortable knowing that he was the only one the countertenor had ever truly found comfort in and a fear that the naïve, innocence, that was frankly adorable, could be the boy's downfall at the demanding hands of a manipulative, horny, jerk. Not being able to stand the thought of someone hurting the boy, Blaine turned to Mr. Hummel so that he could at least be assured that Kurt knew the facts about the birds and the bees or, in this case, the bees and the bees. He also apologized for any pressure he, himself, had put on the boy and made sure to keep conversation topics well away from anything sexual.

This resolve became increasingly harder after they started dating. Kurt's soft, pink lips had a way of pulling him in and pushing him further and further out of his own comfort zone. Although the thoughts of grinding against a gorgeous boy laid beneath him, lips sore and bruised, swollen red from kissing, thrusting into each other until came had plagued his nightly dreams for years, it was only when that faceless boy became Kurt that Blaine ever really felt a desire to act on these fantasies. Kurt, however gave him no indication that the pace in which they were moving was too slow and from the previous incident concerning sex, the Warbler concluded that warm cuddles, chaste kisses, and separated pelvises were best for the time being. This was something Blaine was fine with because although he could actually see himself exploring those new things with Kurt, he, himself was still a bit timid and liked being able to take his time. Their six month anniversary however, brought change.

After seeing a local production of Les Mis and dinner at Westerville's finest restaurant the couple drove back to Blaine's house. The mansion in the gated community, with the tree lined driveway was empty when they arrived due to Mr. and Mrs. Anderson's many business trips. Blaine took Kurt by the hand and led his boyfriend up the grand staircase, down the hall to the right, and finally, through the door on the very end that opened into his bedroom. They always spent their time at the Anderson house in Blaine's room. It was the only place Blaine truly felt comfortable.

Once inside, Kurt broke their clasped hands and skipped over to the large, double bed, leaping onto its soft and inviting surface and making himself comfortable amongst the pillows. Blaine loved watching Kurt cuddle up in his bed. It was amazing to see the boy who was usually had his guard up, just completely relax in his presence.

"Comfy," Blaine chuckled lightly at his boyfriend.

"Almost," the other replied before carefully removing his tie and retying it around the stuffed bear perched neatly a top the pillows. "There!" He proclaimed proudly with a grin. Blaine smiled adoringly back as he removed his own tie and dinner jacket before joining his boyfriend on the bed.

"So, did you have fun tonight?" He asked as they proceeded to intertwine their bodies. Kurt simply nodded in response and leaned up to place a soft kiss upon his lips. As the countertenor pulled away, Blaine cupped his cheeks to keep him there. "Wait, 'm not finished yet," he mumbled as their lips reconnected.

He could feel Kurt smile into the kiss as they continued and maybe it was strange but Blaine swore that the feel of a grin gracing his boyfriend's face while their lips were pressed, was the best feeling in the world. Ever since meeting the boy, his goal was to make sure he was happy. Kurt's smile warmed his heart instantly and in a way where it felt as if it could never grow cold again but actually feeling it against his skin was simply magical and sent tingles through his skin and his veins.

He wrapped his arms around the lithe waist, pulling the other boy closer, needing the contact. Kurt obliged and Blaine felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his neck as their kiss continued. Blaine opened his mouth slightly and slipped his tongue out to lick lightly at Kurt's lips to entice them open. The other boy snuck away however and began peppering Blaine's jaw with small but insistent pecks. Blaine found his fingers winding into the back of Kurt's shirt at the feeling and yet he chased those angelic, pink lips playfully because his own lips were where they belonged. The countertenor was fast though and after several minutes of the cat and mouse like game, the room full of giggles, Blaine grasped his boyfriend's hips firmly, his hand coming in contact with the beautifully pale skin that had been exposed when the boy's shirt rode up, and swiftly flipped them over so he was on top and Kurt could not run away. He quickly dove back in. Instead of melting into the mattress below however, the boy, now pinned beneath him, stiffened; his body going ridged as a board. Blaine continued, stroking the newly found skin and licking at the sweet lips, thinking that it was just shock and Kurt would begin to settle. The boy never did though and Blaine pulled back immediately when he felt hands batting his own away. Kurt wiggled out from under him as soon as Blaine had let go of his hips and quickly curled in on himself avoiding eye contact.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked, concerned and a little disoriented. Everything had happened so fast. He had never rolled them over like that before or touched that little sliver of skin before. It had felt so good and so right and his head was still kind of lost in the fogy, haze it had created and yet, with the way Kurt had reacted, it had all clearly been a mistake.

"Do you, uh, wanna watch a movie or something?" The distressed boy asked but the attempt to ignore what just happened made Blaine even more certain that there was really something wrong.

"Well no, not really. I wanna make out with my boyfriend on our anniversary." He paused and moved over to wrap a comforting arm around the boy now huddled with his teddy bear. "That's all I was trying to do, KK," he continued softer. "I didn't mean to push or make you uncomfortable. I am really sorry, Kurt because that is something you should never have to deal with especially from me. I don't really understand what I did wrong though."

"N-nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. I promise," Kurt replied with a smile so fake and forced that it submerged Blaine's heart into the chilly Arctic Ocean. He could see the tears forming in the turquoise eyes though and Blaine did not want their special night to end in waterworks so he returned the phony grin and pressed a loving kiss to the countertenor's temple, pushing the troubles away for another day.

"Okay," he sighed. "Movie it is and I do believe that it is your pick, sir."

They parted ways on a happy note that night. Kurt had promised his dad that he would start home at midnight and so when the clock struck twelve, the boys reluctantly turned off the movie and untangled their limbs. Blaine walked his boyfriend out to his car and gave him a lingering kiss, sans tongue, goodnight that resulted in the spread of a red hue up the porcelain cheeks and a bashful smile that began to warm the freeze of the arctic water.

The chill remained though and Blaine still was left clueless as to the reason.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi everyone! Okay so this is going to read like another intro chapter sorta. It's from Kurt's POV though and just gives a little background on where his head is at before we really start diving in (that'll come in ch 3). Hope you like it!  
Lessthanthree  
Katie**

He had known he was gay since he was four. He did not know there was a word for it or even that it was a thing but his want to have the handsome prince save him and ask for his hand in marriage greatly outweighed his want to be the handsome prince rescuing and wedding some damsel in distress. His parents had guessed based on his collection of dolls, dress up clothes, and tiaras but for him, it was just a feeling inside of him. There was a time when he was around eight, when all the boys started to like girls and picked on him because he preferred to play house instead of soccer at lunch time, that he discovered that this feeling was unique to him. It was terrifying because he was alone and had no explanation for the difference stirring within. This was just after his mother's death and the fear and loneliness was simply overwhelming. The only person that loved him was his father but Kurt knew, even then, that he was different from his father too and would therefore probably lose him one day as well.

The word 'gay' did not enter his vocabulary until the age of twelve but its definition finally brought some comfort and peace of mind to him because with it, it brought a community of people with which he belonged. There was nothing _wrong_ with him anymore; he was just gay. For all the new age talk of ridding the world of labels, this was one label he was truly grateful for because it allowed everything to fall neatly into place. He began to come out of his protective shell more then, embracing his interests instead of pursuing them in private. He stopped toning down his wardrobe for school and joined glee club to foster his love of Broadway show tunes. He even began to make friends for the first time in his life and Rachel Berry soon became his best friend.

The petit, brunette shared his love of New York and dreams of making it big under the lights of the famous marquees. They both had the drive and talent to succeed too and although Rachel was boy crazy, the girl had set a rule for herself: no sex until she won a Tony or an Oscar. This was one of the reasons Kurt loved her. She seemed to be the only person in their high school who was not sex crazy. That was one area where the online, gay community had failed him. To any outsider, being gay did not seem to be about loving somebody of the same gender but simply about fucking somebody of the same gender. That idea never appealed to him and when the entirety of their glee club became sexually active, Kurt took comfort in the fact that he was not alone in his continued celibacy. Not that he could totally see himself being a willing participant in the future like Rachel did but at least he now had a few years buffer before he had to think about it.

When he first met the dapper lead of the Warblers, Kurt was the happiest he had ever been. The gay community had finally come through for him since he had learned of their existence. Blaine was smart and sweet and had the most brilliant golden eyes that could light the world with their glow. He found companionship and friendship within the other boy before eventually finding love. Kurt had been afraid of falling for Blaine at first, fearing that he was just like the stereotypes, but after getting to know the boy, he realized the Warbler would never push and he let himself get lost in those eyes and the warm, strong arms, and the playful hands that never quit twining through his hair or stroking his back. Kurt was amazed by how quickly he opened up to the other boy. He had never been a touchy person, plagued by all the hurtful shoves into lockers but there was just something about Blaine that made him want to be as close as possible with him, to be one with him. His mind never went beyond cuddling together or dancing together or simply talking over a cup of coffee though. Just feeling the warm body next to him, breathing with him and living with him or being able to unlock the secret or the forgotten thoughts in brilliant mind buried beneath those unruly dark curls gave him that special connection that he had always wanted with a boy. It was not until around their six month anniversary that Kurt began to think that maybe this was inadequate, not for him though, for Blaine.

The thought began to creep into his mind the weekend before their six month anniversary. Kurt had gone to Rachel's for their bi-weekly, Friday night sleepovers and as soon as he stepped over the threshold, the girl pulled him swiftly to her room and closed the door firmly before turning back to him with a shy smile.

"Okay, I have to tell you something," she blurted out as she bounced on the balls of her feet.

"Okay?" He answered, wary of the direction of this conversation. You never knew what you were going to get with Rachel.

"I had sex with Finn," she stated with an excited giggle, her bouncing never ceasing. Kurt, on the other hand, suddenly felt so heavy with anxiety that he could almost feel his feet sink into the carpet. He was stunned and simply at a loss for words. There was no way his brain could format coherent sentences when it was caught in a tail spin of emotional confusion. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything? Congratulate me maybe. I did just take a very big step in my life and as my best friend, you're supposed to be supportive."

"Oh, uh, w-what happened to the Tony?" He asked in all sincerity. They were the only words he could string together and only because this was the answer he craved the most. He had understood her desire to wait, to focus on her own goals and not give into a horny boyfriend or the tides of societal norms. The act itself did not appeal to him either. Having another person's _parts_ touching his or his hands or in his mouth almost made him nauseous. He could barely handle touching his own. He had thought that she had felt the same way and that if she was so sure she would overcome it by the time she was an adult that he would too. Now though, he began to question everything and he needed to know what had changed her mind.

"Well that was a little unrealistic. I mean, I came up with that when I was thirteen, long before I had a boyfriend and fell in love with him. It's pretty easy to take a vow of celibacy when there is zero opportunity. And, I don't know," she continued a little shyer. "I just wanted to. It felt right. I love Finn and he loves me and I just decided it was time."

"To give in to him?"

"What? No, it wasn't like that at all. I know he's been ready for a lot longer than I have but I never did anything I didn't want to. If anything, I gave into myself if you know what I mean," she added with a wink.

"Oh," was the only response he could articulate before Rachel continued to rave about the previous night where her father's had been out late at a company party and Finn had snuck over under the guise of spending the night at Puck's. The endless words that poured from the girl's mouth sailed right over Kurt's head though. He just could not process the discussion of sexual activities. There was something else too though, something that made sweat soak his shirt and his skin tingle to the point that he wanted to just rip it off. It was the loss of companionship he had with Rachel over this. Somewhere, deep within, he had known that she had not stayed away because she did not want sex, she had stayed away because of the consequences. He had just refused to acknowledge it because he was afraid of being left alone, once again, to conquer that fear and disdain that was so imbedded in his being. Now, having reality shoved in his face, Kurt began to think this to be an impossible feat.

His anxiety only increased a tenfold the following weekend when, on his and Blaine's six month anniversary, he learned for certain the impossible was not soon enough for his boyfriend.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: okay so were back to Blainers for this chapter. For the most part I think I'll keep going back and forth like that. Also this one has a little more plot development so hopefully that will please everyone. I've also had a few questions dealing with what exactly asexuality is and how it manifests itself within Kurt. If you're unsure just keep reading b/c the characters themselves are unsure at the moment and you'll get to discover it all along with them. Google is also a great tool; just type it in and boom! Information!  
Feel free to share your thoughts  
lessthanthree  
Katie**

After that night Blaine began to really think about the relationship he had with the other boy. On the surface it seemed almost storybook perfect. They were friends who only had each other and ended up falling in love over a non-fat mocha latte and a medium drip in the Lima Bean. They had managed to avoid the usual teenage romance drama because there was this trust between them. This trust was deeper than most because it stemmed from their innate understanding of each other in ways that no else could. No one else could because no one else could fully comprehend the effects of growing up gay in an ignorant society. That night however, clearly highlighted something stirring in the depths though.

In the six months following that fateful kiss in the secluded Dalton common room, Kurt had never broken that trust. They had always been able to talk openly and honestly about things that no other living soul on the planet had heard simply because that trust was there. This was the first time that Kurt had kept something from him and since it had never happened before, Blaine did not really know how to handle it. He should have reassured Kurt that they could and should talk about anything, that together was one of the few places where they were truly safe. He had not said anything though. He had given into Kurt's request to pretend that his boyfriend's mini panic attack at the introduction of his tongue and a bit playful rolling around to the already barely existent physical side of their relationship had simply not happened. Blaine had been terrified of the tears threatening to spill from the fear ridden blue eyes knowing that he had been the cause. They both had enough to be scared of out in the world; they could not fear each other too. That thought just hit him straight in the gut. It was sickening to think that Kurt might actually fear him. It made his head spin with horrific images of what if's, preventing him from concentrating on anything, school, glee, friends, sleep. At times he could even feel his stomach churn. Blaine knew it would only continue until he was able to get Kurt to open up to him and find a way to ensure he was never the cause of that fear again.

It was the next weekend before Blaine worked up the courage to confront Kurt about what happened. Everything between them that week had been seemingly fine and yet Blaine had never been able to truly relax around his boyfriend like he usually could, his mind too caught up in a hurricane of thoughts elsewhere. There were moments where he thought Kurt seemed to be tiptoeing around him as well but Blaine was too unfocused to determine whether or not it was a figment of his imagination. He knew it made him a terrible boyfriend to not know what was bothering the boy he loved never mind knowing if something was bothering him at all. Needing their dynamic to return, for that trust and ease to flow freely again, Blaine asked Kurt to meet him at the Lima Bean, in the familiar comfort of the cozy coffee shop and the hot caffeine, to hopefully coax the boy into spilling his troubles.

"Kurt," he called out to the countertenor as the boy entered the shop. Blaine had been sure to arrive early so that he could order for both of them and to ensure a spot at the table they had designated as theirs months before they even started dating.

"Hey," Kurt beamed back. The smile was real and the warmth flooded Blaine the way it always did. That was a feeling he never wanted to lose which just reinforced the need to discover the truth. "You really need to stop buying my coffee. It's not fair," the countertenor continued as he took a seat across from him at the small table for two in the center of the shop.

"Well you can buy next time," Blaine answered with a knowing smirk.

"You always say that," Kurt replied, finding his foot with a playful nudge.

"I do, don't I?" His voice now soft, almost in a whimsical tone, as he reminisced about the countless coffee dates that had begun in this exact way. Buying the coffee just seemed like the least he could do for the angelic being that even allowed him into his presence let alone his brilliant mind and gorgeous soul. The boy across from him simply nodded with a hum and a soft smile while bringing his non-fat mocha to his perfectly pink lips. "It's never going to change. We'll be eighty-two, at some little, tucked away, café in New York and I'll still be saying it."

"You think I'll keep you around that long?" Kurt asked playfully.

"You won't be able to get rid of me. We're past the point where you have a say in the matter."

"Oh, and where was this point?" There was a truthful curiosity hinting out behind the playful tone.

"It was over the summer," he began, smiling at the surprised look on Kurt's face. He must have thought it was only an expression but Blaine was happy to prove him wrong. "We had gone back to my house after the Warbler pool party. We snuggled up in my bed and started watching 'The Sound of Music'. It had been your turn to pick. You fell asleep almost instantly though and I just watched you, simply in awe of the beautiful creature that was curled into my chest, eyelashes fluttering, fist clutching my shirt, breath tickling my neck. At first, it had been fine because we were both still cool from the shower but after a while it got really hot. I was so uncomfortable and I started to get sweaty and sticky but I didn't move. I realized that I didn't want to move. I didn't want to do anything that would disturb you because you still looked so peaceful. That was the point where I realized just how far I had fallen for you and that there was no way I could ever climb back up." Kurt seemed a little stunned into silence when he finished and the blush that crept up his pale cheeks was one of the most adorable things Blaine had ever witnessed. He nudged the boy's foot playfully to try and lighten the mood.

"Oh, well that's just a little creepy" Kurt eventually replied trying to hide his reddened cheeks with his coffee cup. The smile that snuck out from behind it though told Blaine that the boy was far more pleased than he cared to admit. Pleased was good. It was always best to approach delicate topics on happier notes.

"So, I wanted to talk to you about something," Blaine broached with a bit of a softer voice.

"Oooh, bowtie dilemma? Well I'm your guy," Kurt stated excitedly, his blue eyes narrowing in on the bowtie around Blaine's neck. The Warbler could practically hear his boyfriend forming an essay long opinion on the checkered fabric. He cut Kurt off though before he could launch into the detailed judgement.

"No, actually. I wanted to talk to you about our date last weekend," Blaine corrected as innocently as possible. The colour rapidly draining from Kurt's face showed that he had clearly done a poor job.

"W-why?" The boy sitting across from him asked uncomfortably.

"Kurt, you know why. You literally scrambled across the bed to get away from me. There were tears in your eyes and you looked terrified of me. We've always been on the same page but I feel so lost right now."

"It's n-nothing Blaine. Y-you just surprised me and you know how I hate surprises. The jocks used to come out of nowhere and slam me into my locker. I like to know what's coming, that's all." Kurt's eyes were on his as he spoke but they were closed off in a way Blaine could not quite explain and had never seen before.

"You're lying," Blaine stated simply. There was no accusatory tone or anger in his voice. If anything, the words came out saddened by realization of just how bad that trust was broken. He tried to keep his features soft and inviting though. It was hard; it hurt to watch the boy he loved shut him out especially when it involved them and their relationship but giving him that warm place to turn was the only way Blaine would ever make any progress.

"W-what?" Kurt's fake bewilderment did little to conceal the fear and panic that Blaine could see building beneath.

"Come on, KK. I know you. And, I mean, you know me too. That's how we work. I'm not mad or anything, I promise. I'm just really confused and I'm starting to worry." He could see the tears beginning to build in Kurt's eyes even as the boy looked down at his coffee in attempts to hide them. "Please, KK, talk to me.

"C-can we, um, not do this here?" The countertenor finally spoke in a scared tone that made him seem small in Blaine's eyes than he had ever seen him before. He looked more fragile and vulnerable than he did after the Karofsky kiss which was a sight Blaine had never expected to see. It broke his heart and made the Warbler want to wrap him tight in his arms forever, protecting him from the scary world.

"Of course. Let's go sit in my car," he suggested with a warm smile, offering his free hand to his boyfriend as they exited the Lima Bean. They rarely held hands in public but Blaine new Kurt needed it. As they reached his car, Blaine placed his coffee on the roof so he could dig out his keys and open the door for Kurt without letting go. He wanted the other boy to know that he was safe and that he was not going anywhere.

Blaine followed Kurt into the backseat and leaned back against the closed door so that his boyfriend could snuggle into his chest. He was relieved when the countertenor took the invitation. At least he still held some of the boy's fleeting trust. They sat in silence for a while. Blaine could tell Kurt needed the time to gather his thoughts so he simply buried his face in the soft, auburn locks and stroked the back of the hand clutching firmly around the non-fat mocha latte, losing himself slightly in the presence of the angelic creature as he waited patiently for his boyfriend to be ready.

"I-I don't know what's wrong with me," eventually came a quiet whisper.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked softly. The statement scared him a little but he did not want to show Kurt his own fear. The other boy needed him to be strong right now.

"Everybody wants sex and I j-just, I just don't. And I don't get why and it feels like there's something wrong with me because I'm the only one."

"You're not the only person who hasn't had sex, Kurt. I'm a virgin too. You know that. Lots of people wait," he comforted, slightly confused as to why this was so troubling for the boy lying in his arms.

"N-no, no, you don't get it," came a choked out sob.

"Hey, hey shhh. It's going to be okay, KK." Blaine tightened his arms around Kurt. He hated to watch his boyfriend cry. "Explain it to me. I've got time." He could feel Kurt take a shuddering breath and again waited patiently for the boy to steady himself.

"It's not that I haven't had sex, i-it's that I don't want sex. The idea of it freaks me out. It's just weird and gross a-and…..wrong almost. I've always felt this way and I u-used to think I would grow out of it. Like once I had a boyfriend who I loved, it would seem more appealing. It h-hasn't though. If anything, having a boyfriend has made everything worse because I know you want it but I-I just can't ever see that for myself….ever.


	4. Chapter 4

And there it was. He said it out loud for the first time, even to himself. He told Blaine what had gone wrong the other night and what had been prodding relentlessly at the back of his mind ever since. This was not something small and it would be impossible to take back. All he could do now was wait for his words to really sink in to his boyfriend and then the boy would be gone. Even if Blaine did not fully comprehend what he had just confessed, the boy would think he was just being a baby about it all. Who would want to date a baby? Judging by the concerned and caring look in his eyes though, it was more likely that the Warbler did understand that this was more than a simple fear of the pain and body image. In this case however, it would soon dawn on him that not only was Kurt a freak but he would never be able to be with him fully and then he would head straight for the door.

By this point his tears were flowing freely. It had initially felt good to release the secret he had been supressing but now, the realization of what he was about to lose because of it, somehow made him feel worse than before. He curled around himself, pulling his body away from his boyfriend's. He did not want to have to feel Blaine pull away from him.

"Kurt?" He barely heard Blaine's soft voice over the vicious thoughts swirling in his mind and his own sobs. It was not remotely close to being fair that he had to be set apart from his peers in yet another way. He had only just found normalcy in Blaine and now this venomous defect inside of him would tear apart him and his best friend, his boyfriend, that one person he had searched his whole life for. Why was the world so cruel to him? What had he ever done to make this curse settle deep within? "KK, come here," the Warbler continued as Kurt felt him scoot closer and encircle him in those strong arms again. He did not have the will to leave this time. They laid there in the quite for some time. Blaine just held tight while Kurt calmed his tears before speaking again. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, Kurt."

"This whole world revolves around sex, Blaine," he responded dejectedly.

"Well it shouldn't," the other responded softly. "But, hey look at me. I don't think you're alone in this feeling."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked as he curiously sat up and turned to face his boyfriend. Blaine mimicked his position, sitting sideways on the back seat of his car and criss-crossing his legs in front of himself. The Warbler then scooted closer so that their knees touched and took Kurt's hands in his.

"You remember that week last year, after Rachel's party, when I went out with her." Kurt nodded, slightly confused as to where this was headed but allowed Blaine to continue simply because he trusted him. "Well, I was really confused about everything because 'gay' had always fit but then I thought Rachel was cute and we had a lot of fun together and I just really liked her. So, I went online to see if I could find some answers. A few sites listed all the orientations and, you know, cis/trans stuff, with definitions. There was also this other one…..um, have you ever heard of being asexual?"

"N-no," Kurt answered with a small head shake and wide, frightened eyes.

"It's nothing bad or anything. It's just like everything else on the list. I only skimmed over the short definition they had there but it said that for asexual people, sex is not part of any romantic relationship. And it doesn't have anything to do with abstinence, like it's not a choice; it's the way you're wired. It also has nothing to do with physical incapability. Like, you could, just like, um….I suppose it's kinda like how you could date a girl but just like because you're gay, you simply don't want to and you never will. That's all I really remember. What do you think?"

"I, uh, I don't know, Blaine. It's, um….I guess, well it's just a lot to take in to be honest," Kurt stuttered out. His mind was too busy processing the new information that forming complete sentences was a little tricky at the moment. Not that he really knew what to think anyways. The only time he had come across that word before was in biology class. Asexual creatures were ones that just split themselves in half creating perfect clones. They were the less evolved, parasite types. Obviously, the word had more than one definition but Kurt could not rid his mind of the previous, off putting, association. "I'll, um, I don't know. I think I just need some time, okay?"

"Sure, of course. Take all the time you need. There's no need to rush to anything. And I'll be here every step of the way, I promise," Blaine assured with a light smile and a squeeze of their clasped hands.

"Okay," he nodded, still a little unaware of his surroundings due to his occupied mind.

"Kurt? Hey, look at me for a sec." It was not until Blaine said it that he realised he had been avoiding eye contact. He did not quite know why but the conversation had left him feeling a lot more vulnerable than he was comfortable with, even if it was only Blaine he was with. There was something about his boyfriend possible knowing more than he did about something that was an innate and troubling part of him that made him uneasy. He turned to meet the golden eyes looking back at him though. He trusted Blaine and the boy was one thing he could not stand to lose. "I can't be there if you don't let in, KK. So, just don't be afraid to tell me what's going on, good or bad, confused or sure. Just talk to me, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I will," he nodded sincerely.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Kurt beamed back. He could never say those words without a smile forming on his lips.

"So, what now? Do you want me to take you home or do want to hang out some more?" Blaine grinned back, his tone light as if the previous conversation had never happened. Kurt did not know whether or not he appreciated this seemingly phoney ease. The thing with Blaine though, was that it probably was not falsified in the least. The Warbler had a way of looking on the bright side of things and breathing a light on him and on any situation that Kurt had never before known. Because why should they not be able to hang out like normal? Nothing had changed. He was still the same Kurt he had always been, who Blaine had fallen in love with and Blaine was still the same boy he had fallen for. A single word that he may or may not identify with did not have the power to destroy what they had built. He also did not really want to be alone at the moment. Everything was too fresh and raw. He would be tempted to look up this definition as soon as he got home to his computer but would not be calm or rational enough to deal with the consequences.

"I could use another coffee maybe?" He asked with a shy, hopeful smile.

"My treat!" Blaine stated excitedly and leaned forwards, connecting their lips softly before pulling Kurt from the car and back inside the coffee shop.


	5. Chapter 5

Wednesday night found Blaine hold up in his bedroom working through the mountain of homework that always came on that particular day. Nearing the home stretch, he checked the clock just before starting the last problem: nine twenty-four. He had six minutes before the little device sitting on his desk beside his notebook would ring and light up with an image and him and his boyfriend taken over the summer. Kurt never failed to call every night at exactly nine thirty so that they could talk while they got ready for bed. Blaine knew that Kurt only implemented this ritual to ensure that he took proper care of his skin; they already talked plenty at school and at the Lima Bean afterwards while they worked on homework from the few classes they shared. The Warbler had to admit though that he would miss their nightly conversations if they were to cease. Even when there was nothing to say, listening to his boyfriend hum softly a random string of notes always made him smile. It was as if the melody carried away all his stress, or emptiness, or loneliness brought on by his unforgiving parents. Ever since Kurt had learned of his lack of daily face washing, Blaine had not once gone to sleep in a distraught state. The new peace of mind he laid down with because of his boyfriend kept the nightmares at bay and left him to actually rest and rejuvenate.

Scribbling out the solution, Blaine had just boxed in his final answer when his phone rang. He picked it up and answered with a grin. "Hey! Good timing, I just finished."

"Would it really matter?" The angelic voice chuckled out.

"Shut-up," he sighed back. It, unfortunately, was a well-known fact that he would drop whatever he was doing for these evening chats. Kurt had given up months ago on offering to wait because Blaine would always brush it off and insist on finishing it later. "So, how was your evening?" He asked casually on his way to the bathroom where Kurt had arranged all of the various lotions and potions that he had bought for him.

"It was fine," the countertenor answered simply. His tone though was a dead give-away that there was something pressing on his mind.

"Just fine?" Blaine asked, hoping the prompt would work and Kurt would keep his promise to let Blaine in.

"Yeah. I finished all my homework at the Lima Bean so I, uh, I did some research. You know, with some of those sites you gave me," he finished shyly.

"Oh?" He was honestly a little surprised at how quickly Kurt had looked into this. He had been expecting to have to persuade him to over several long heart-to-hearts. This must have been something that had been truly eating at Kurt for a long while if he had been so quick to seek out potentially life altering answers. Not that Blaine ever doubted the severity of the situation and the other boy's feelings but this just heightened it all even more.

"I, um, don't really want to do this on the phone so I was thinking that you could come over after school tomorrow, maybe stay for dinner or something, and we could talk then."

"Sure, that sounds perfect," he replied with a grin. "You're doing okay though, right? Cause I can come over now if you need me to."

"No, Blaine calm down. I'm fine," Kurt admonished with what Blaine determined was an attempt at sounding frustrated but he could tell there was a smile spreading on his boyfriend's lips.

They went directly to the Hummel household after the final bell the next day. Finn had football so the house would be empty for a few hours. Blaine was relieved they had the chance for privacy. He knew this conversation would be easier if there was no chance of being overheard.

Kurt led him up to his bedroom and shut the door behind them before making his way over to his extremely tidy desk and turning on his computer. Blaine just stood by the door waiting for direction. Kurt clearly had a plan and the Warbler was not going to throw it off the tracks. This was too important.

"Go sit on the bed," Kurt finally instructed him as he typed his password into the log in screen. "I'll be there in a sec." Blaine did as told, making himself comfortable in the mountain of pillows placed neatly along the headboard and making a little spot for Kurt to nestle into once he joined him. It took a few more minutes of waiting for the computer but eventually Kurt sidled up to him and set the laptop on his knees. "Okay, so I'm not really sure how to say some of this stuff out loud yet but considering what it is and that it would most definitely impact our relationship, I do think you need to know what's going on. Anyways, this site has like a frequently asked questions part and I figured I could just tell you which ones apply to me. Oh, that's another thing. There seems to be a lot more fluidity and discrepancy with this than there was with being gay so I think it's good to do it this way as opposed to you just reading up on it on your own because there are a lot of things here that don't fit and this is hard enough as it is without us being on different pages with different expectation," Kurt rushed out in seemingly one breath.

"Whoa, KK, it's okay. Just slow down, we've got tones of time and none of this has to be decided tonight."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, this just freaks me out a little," the countertenor replied after taking a shaky breath.

"It's going to be okay. I promise," he assured rubbing the other boy's back soothingly. "I think this is a great idea, by the way."

"Well I am the smart one," his boyfriend teased. Blaine chuckled lightly and pressed a kiss to his temple while Kurt's eyes locked on the screen in front of him. "Okay, so um, should I start?"

"Sure," Blaine answered resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder and turning his attention to the laptop.

"Alright well the third one fits." Blaine jumped down to the third question written in bold.

'**I can see that people are attractive, but I don't really feel the need to have sex with them. Where do I fit?'**

The answer below stated that feeling like this was indeed an indication of asexuality. "Yeah?" Blaine asked when he was finished reading, prompting an explanation.

"Yeah. I mean, you're gorgeous," Kurt answered with blush. "I totally see that and I see it in like actors and stuff too but….it's just never anything more than some kinda matter of fact. It doesn't make me want to be with you any more. I don't know? Does that make sense?"

"I think so?"

"Um, I guess it's maybe like how you would be able to tell if girls were attractive or not. Like, you could totally do it and probably end up with all the same conclusions as a straight guy would but it would just be somewhat beside the point."

"Okay, I get that," he answered with a nod and a smile because that actually made sense.

"Alright so number 10 because I totally had a crush on Finn and I'm completely in love with you."

'**I have crushes on people. I think I sometimes fall in love. Does this mean I'm not asexual?'**

Again Blaine read and again the answer pointed in the asexual direction.

"And then I suppose fifteen as well."

'**I identify as (straight/gay/bi/something else), but I still fit your definition of asexuality. Am I wrong?'**

Blaine was not surprised when he found the answer to this one was no.

"That's the last one for this section but they have a relationship section," Kurt stated as he clicked a link at the top of the page. "So, I guess if you see anything in here that applies to you, you should tell me because there are things for the significant other too."

"I can do that," he replied chipperly, placing another kiss to his boyfriend's temple.

"Okay, so number two. And really I think this is the most important one."

'**Can asexuals have successful romantic relationships with sexuals?'**

Blaine read the answer carefully which was an ultimate yes but it stressed that good communication was the key. Well they were already on the right track with that one.

"And then the next one too."

'**I just don't see how asexuals can be close to anyone. How can you have a relationship without sex?'**

Blaine could not help but laugh lightly at the answer and was quickly slapped by an annoyed boyfriend. "What? It sounds exactly like you. 'Some asexuals enjoy physical closeness, perhaps cuddling or stroking, with their partner. Some asexuals express intimacy through talking, maybe sharing their innermost fears and secrets or by making each other laugh. Some asexuals feel intimacy with their partners by sharing common interests and activities or by working together toward common goals. Others experience intimacy in other deeply personal ways or by a combination of some, all or none of the above,'" he read out loud. "They just nailed you on the head, didn't they, my little cuddle monster," Blaine cooed while wrapping his arms tighter around the countertenor.

"No, I think that would be you," Kurt scoffed in mock offense but Blaine felt the warm weight melt into him further while he resumed scrolling.

"Wait, stop. Go back. There, that one!"

'**I think my partner might be asexual. What should I do?'**

"'Introduce the topic to them gently,'" he read out loud. "Ooh, I so did that. 'A' plus for me!"

"You know I hate you right now," his boyfriend scowled. Blaine simply gave him a squeeze and another kiss.

"Oh, wait. What about that one? Number fifteen," he asked, serious this time.

'**What exactly is it that asexuals will and won't do? Do they enjoy kissing and cuddling? How about second base, or (fill in the name of a pseudosexual act here)?'**

He read the answer that the site gave but it basically just said it varied from person to person and that the only way to know was to ask. "So?"

"Um, well honestly? I like what we do now," Kurt replied quietly. Blaine could detect the fear creeping back into his voice.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He pulled Kurt tighter and nuzzled into the crook of his neck while he waited for an answer.

"Y-you want more. I know you do and you most certainly will in the future but for me, this feels like it. If I can't give you that then where does that leave us?"

"I don't know, KK," he answered truthfully and gently. "I do know that I love you though and not having you in my life to cuddle and kiss would hurt me way more than a case of blue balls." Blaine smiled fondly at his boyfriend's cringe. "I don't think we should rush to figure this out because honestly, I'm not ready for sex right now so why don't we cross that bridge when we get to it?"

"Because I'm scared that I'll get even more attached to you though and then breaking up will be harder than it would be now," Kurt barely whispered. This was the first time all afternoon that Blaine found himself at a loss for what to say. He could not promise a life of celibacy at this stage. He was too young. He was not even ready for sex so how could he be ready to swear off it. Growing up, that's how he taught to determine the value of a romantic relationship. Couples, in love and committed to one another, shared that sacred gift as a way to connect. Therefore sex was a crucial part in their dynamic, proving that trust and connection they shared only with each other. Emotionally, he was not ready to be that vulnerable with someone but there was no doubt that one day he would be and would want to be. His increasingly graphic dreams at night proved just so. Changing that mental construct would not be easy once he found himself ready for sex with a person who could never reciprocate. And if he never could change the way mind perceived the act, would the magic he felt with Kurt now become lacking, incomplete, unfulfilling?

He just could not, in good conscious, make that promise of forever with so many question marks now dancing almost tauntingly in front of him. But without that promise, there was no way to ease Kurt's fear and pain and that simply broke the Warbler's heart.

"I don't know what will happen, Kurt. I really, really wish I did but I just don't. I am willing to discover it together though. I want to discover it together. Together has always worked best for us. There's no reason it shouldn't now."

**A/N: So first off I've been really liking the new season so far which I'm really happy about b/c I've had my ups and downs with this show and I was actually getting worried. Brittney 2.0 was just brilliant though and I'm praying it sticks!**

**Anyways, the website the boys were using is ** www {.} asexuality {.} org/home/  
**I used it when I was doing my own research for this story. I hope everyone's liking it so far. Feel free to leave me your thoughts  
Lessthanthree  
Katie **


	6. Chapter 6

The brilliant rustic colours of the autumn leaves soon fell leaving the trees of Lima bare to face the brewing winter winds. This was not a surprise. It happened every year and yet this year was the first that Kurt took notice and felt a sort of empathy for trunks and branches left behind. Though he and Blaine were still happily together, it felt different now. One of the things that made their relationship special was the kinship they had found in each other but they were different now. A layer of himself had been stripped back and exposed and for the first time, it revealed something Blaine could not relate to. That missing bond left the new wound fresher, longer. With everything else, the bullying, the condemning by the world, the trouble fitting in, the simple fact that the experiences were shared had sped up the healing process by a tenfold. Having his open wounds pressed against Blaine's had made spring come early and help the rebirth of new leaves to shield him.

With this though, he felt as if he was destined to freeze in the January frost, longing for a February that would never come. He felt lost. It was a feeling he had not experienced since meeting the Warbler. He had so desperately tried to prevent Blaine from exploring his sexuality in the weeks following Rachel's party because he knew that if the boy was no longer gay, he would lose his guide, his shield, his friend. Now, however, there was nothing he could do. After pouring through site after site, there was no question that the asexual community was where he belonged and a place that his boyfriend simply did not. He felt this unbearable distance between himself and Blaine and yet they still spent every possible second together.

Before school, the warbler would meet him at his locker and walk him to class. At lunch, whether they ate with friends or just with each other in some secluded corner of the school, they were always pressed tight, next to each other. Glee was the same. After school, they headed to the Lima Bean and Kurt would go sit at their table while Blaine ordered and paid for their drinks before joining him. They would then play footsie lightly, their intimacy concealed by the table and the crowd and their book bags, while doing homework. Blaine would still drive him home afterwards and walk him to the door and kiss him softly and gently, awaking the butterflies in his stomach, before parting for the evening only to talk mere hours later over the phone while they got ready for bed. Everything was the same, except everything was different.

He had never questioned anything with Blaine but now he almost felt as if he had to fight for him even though to a bystander's view, there was no opponent. All Kurt could see were opponents though. He suddenly felt uneasy when Blaine hung out with some of his old friends from Dalton. He found himself texting his boyfriend every ten minutes just in case even though he could not figure out what that case would be. Kurt did not want to admit there was anything wrong between them so he simply brushed of the churning of his stomach to a residual guilt from his boyfriend's transfer. When the urge to snap every single one of Rachel's head bands crept into his clenching fists because the girl had asked Blaine to be her partner for Christmas songs in glee, he swore to himself it was only because once again he would have to listen to Miss Rachel Berry sing. Today was the day that the jealousy finally boiled to hot and violent to ignore though and yet again, it was over absolutely nothing.

He had come into glee a little late on Friday and instead of the seat beside Blaine waiting empty for him to sit, it was occupied by Sam who was talking animatedly with the Warbler. "Really, Blaine? Really?" He seethed while turning right back around and storming from the building. The need to rip that stupid pink bowtie from his boyfriend's neck and shove it down his new, trouty mouthed friend was far too intense to not be taken seriously.

"Wait, Kurt!" Kurt just climbed into the driver seat of his Navigator and ignored the boy will the oil slick on his head exiting to door of the school after him. Blaine managed to reach his car before he could slam the door though and the Warbler seemed determined to not let him leave. "Whoa, whoa, just hold up for a second. What did I do?" The question sounded more frustrated than concerned and that just pissed Kurt off further.

"No, you know what? I'll cram all your bowties down his fucking throat and while he's choking on them, he won't be able to choke on your dick," he replied, the fire building in his voice. It seemed to do the trick because Blaine stumbled back, away from his door, and allowed him to drive off. Kurt did not miss the confused hurt in the dimmed, gold eyes but the anger quickly dispelled it from his mind.

When he got home, he tried to suppress the anger and fear within his homework but it was a futile attempt. The numbers from every probability question were muddled and he had to strain to make sense of them. Eventually that strain turned into a headache and at that point it just pissed him off that his teachers thought it was important to know the probability of getting a full house in poker when there were so many other things happening in his life.

He slammed the textbook closed in defeat and settled in front of the couch to watch mindless television. A calm had almost washed over his mind, the problems of the characters on screen seemingly counter weighing his own, when Finn came home. The stupid quarterback wasted no time trying to pick his earlier outburst a part. Kurt almost had to laugh because there would be no person on the face of the planet more ill equipped to get involved in the situation at hand.

Retreating to his bedroom quickly, Kurt turned the music up high and climbed into the shower. The hot water did nothing to wash away all the negative feelings inside of him but it was not from lack of trying. He stood under the spray for the entire length of his 'Wicked' soundtrack, scrubbing furiously. He would have stayed longer but his father came home and dinner was ready. Not that he particularly felt like eating but Kurt knew from experience that Friday night dinners were not to be missed. Holding up in his room would only trigger his father's concern and there was no way to avoid talking to him like there was to Finn.

After pushing the food around on his plate for an acceptable amount of time, he excused himself under the guise of continuing homework. He buried himself under his covers instead though and fell into a restless sleep, his fret filled mind refusing him peace.

A ringing awoke him with a start. Groggily realizing it was only his cell phone, Kurt pulled the blankets tighter around him, promptly ignoring the incoming call. Not five minutes later however, it rang again. With a mumbled curse, he dragged his heavy body, weighed down with despair, over to his book bag. By the time he fished his phone from the bottom, the ringing had stopped. Unlocking the screen to turn it off however, Kurt paused when he saw that the two missed calls were from Blaine.

He spun quickly to the clock on his bedside table and sure enough, it read nine-thirty six. Really, it should not have surprised him. If anything he should have been surprised that his boyfriend had not come home with his brother after glee. It was more the shock of seeing the name appear and suddenly realizing that this was not just his problem. There was another boy involved in this and that other boy must be confused and hurt and it was entirely his fault. He quickly dialed his boyfriend's number, the need to make it right out weighing the need hide everything inside.

**A/N: okay idk how they're doing it but RIB has managed to write 3 episodes in a row that I actually really like. I mean, im totally terrified for next week but there is no denying that there writing has improved! Yay! **

**Also, I hope everyone is still enjoying this. Feel free to leave me your thoughts.  
Lessthanthree  
Katie **


	7. Chapter 7

There was an onslaught of mixed emotions when he heard his phone ring. He was relieved that Kurt was willing to talk but deathly afraid of what the outcome of this conversation might be. He had been afraid ever since Kurt drove away. He had thought constantly about everything that had happened that day to try and work out what he had done wrong but he could not come up with anything. That almost made it worse. If he knew, he could apologise and assure Kurt it would never happen again but without anything to go on, he did not know how to approach his angry boyfriend. Was this a simple kiss and make up thing or would he have to tread water to avoid an impending break up. He was so lost. He hoped more than anything though that it was honest to god anger that was raking Kurt as opposed to something hurting underneath. The fact that Kurt returned his call though was a bad sign.

"Hi," Blaine greeted quietly after picking up on the second ring.

"I am so sorry about today," Kurt answered, an almost pleading tone to his voice.

"I know. You, uh, wouldn't have called me back if you weren't," he replied simply. He stood up from where he was seated at his desk and began to pace his room. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know exactly," came a nervous stutter.

"Well unless it was something that happened earlier in the day, you clearly didn't like that I was talking to Sam and were quick to imply that there was some sexual nature to our friendship. That stuff doesn't just apparate out of thin air."

"I know you and Sam aren't doing anything just like I know you and Rachel aren't and you and your friends at Dalton aren't..."

"What?" He could not help but cut Kurt off and his pacing suddenly stopped. He had no idea where any of this was coming from or for how long it had been lurking in his boyfriend's mind.

"Okay, please don't be mad because I know I'm being crazy here and you haven't done anything wrong but I just can't help but feel jealous sometimes."

"I'm not mad; I just don't understand." His pacing began again.

"I don't either. It's just stuff that never bothered me before and that shouldn't bother me, like you having sleepovers with Nick and Jeff, or when you and Rachel have the same class and you link arms when you walk with her, or when you sing couple-y songs with her, all that stuff has been getting to me now. I know I'm just being crazy for some reason so I've been trying to ignore it but after today, I just couldn't."

"And today you got jealous because I was talking to Sam?" So far this conversation had done nothing to settle his fear because as much as he hoped, Blaine did not see this having an easy answer.

"Well yeah, but you weren't just talking to him. You guys were laughing and you were touching his arm and he was in my seat."

"Kurt, we were debating which 'Lord of the Rings' movie was the best," he responded with a light chuckle and slight bewilderment because there was absolutely nothing flirtatious about the encounter.

"I know, I know and that's why I feel so bad about this but I can't help it," Kurt answered sounding lost and scared.

"Okay, okay, it's fine KK," he assured. Kurt needed to know that he was not angry before delving further. "I mean we'll have to sort something out because I can't stop hanging out with my friends and I've always been affectionate with people. It's just who I am. But you can't be in a relationship where you're jealous all the time either. Trust me though, no one is trying to steal me from you and even if they were, they'd have no hope."

"Wouldn't they though?" asked a quiet voice.

"What?"

"Isn't meaningless sex, even if it is with a girl, better than no sex at all?"

"Oh, Kurt. No, no it isn't."

"But you realize that we've like maxed out right?" Kurt continued without a pause. Blaine wasn't even sure the countertenor had heard him. "And with you being all touchy-feely with everyone, it's almost as if there's no difference between how you treat me and how you treat them."

"And this has only been bugging you recently?"

"Yeah, um, I guess I had always assumed that I would grow out of this and we would have more but now that this is it….it just seems not special enough?"

"Is that what this is really about?"

"I-I suppose." This took Blaine aback slightly. His world practically revolved around Kurt and he could not fathom the other boy not realizing it. He flopped back on his bed in defeat and ran his fingers through his hair before cursing himself for forgetting the gel.

"Okay well you're going to need to give me some time with this then," he sighed. "Or some ideas even because I honestly don't understand how you don't think you're special to me. I don't have a standing, daily phone call with anyone else or coffee dates. And you know way more about my past than anyone. I don't just tell people about those things. You know because I trust you and that trust is not something that comes easy."

"No, I know that, Blaine. It's all there in my head but sometimes there's a disconnect. I don't know. Maybe you should just forget it."

"What? Why?" That concerned him even more.

"It's just not really fair is it? I mean I'm asking more from you but I can't give you more in return."

"Oh." He did not really know how to respond to that. Kurt was right. This wasn't fair. Something about that statement did not sit right with him though. "I guess so but I don't think relationships are about being fair per se. It's about what….what works, I guess. Like, we really have no obligation to each other. There is no contract that says you have to give me sex. If that's a deal breaker for me, then fine, I'm out. But, if it's not then it's not like there's a…..a renegotiation of terms or whatever. Everything that you need out of this is still on the table and if I can't fill something that's a deal breaker for you, then you get to back out."

"Is that really how you think or is that just some progressive theory that you would be more proud to live by."

"No, I really think that way. I get what you mean with the unfair thing but it sounded off to me, like we were keeping score or something. I don't know, that's just how I see it."

"Okay, so then what now?"

"Well wait, do you agree? Because I don't want you to start keeping tabs on who did this and so who owes who what. I just think it could get really messy. I mean, it already has to some extent because you feel guilty, don't you?" He asked gently.

"A little bit," Kurt answered quietly.

"Yeah see, and not that I think this only applies to us but I think we're going to have to be especially careful of it. So, no…..um….playing fair?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I feel like there's a hitting below the belt joke in there somewhere," his boyfriend laughed in reply. "But, yes, I agree."

"Alrighty, well I guess then it means that I'm going to need some time to figure out how to make you feel special to me on a daily basis. And this may sound stupid but please let me know how I'm doing."

"Deal."

"I also think that that this'll probably seem more natural and stuff once we're out of high school and living together in New York. You know, like you'll be the only one I come home to and cook dinner with and snuggle up in bed with so there will be a more distinct gap."

"That sounds really nice," Kurt replied softly. "I'd love to spend the night with you."

"Me too," he admitted wistfully.

"I don't know if I can wait another year and a bit."

"Then don't." The words were out of his mouth before Blaine had even really processed them. "I'm leaving now," he continued as he sprang from his bed, grabbing his old Dalton hoodie and car keys."

"Wait, Blaine you can't just come over!"

"Why not? My parents won't notice a thing. If they do I'll say it was video game night Nick's place. And by the time I get there it'll be midnight so your parents will be asleep, won't they?"

"Yeah, probably but-"

"Trust me, I can be quiet and I'll park around the block. I can even pick up ice cream on the way."

"Mint chocolate chip?"

"Mint chocolate chip."

"Fine, okay, okay. Come on over. Text me when you get here."

"Yay! Love you, Kurt,"

"Love you too. Oh, and Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"You're doing good."


	8. Chapter 8

A siren screeching past on the sleepy street below awoke him from a peaceful slumber. He had been in the city for a little over five months and although he loved the hustle and bustle and that life that simply radiated in that small strip of land that lay between the Hudson and the East rivers, Kurt had yet to get used to the nightly noise in the city that never slept. The soft and steady snores coming from the boy draped snuggly over his chest though seemed to indicate that Kurt was alone in his sleeping troubles.

His slight annoyance at being woken quickly disappeared however as his gaze found the mass of dense, dark curls strewn across his pale blue pajama top. He rarely got to see his boyfriend's curls free from their gelled prison. The only reason they were free now was because Blaine had hopped in the shower before bed to wash away the grime that you could only get from airport security followed by a two hour flight. Kurt loved to see the Warbler escape from his dapper confines though and had both subtly and not so subtly hinted at removing the gel from his everyday routine but Blaine always politely refused. So, knowing the oil slick would return early the next morning, he slid his right hand up the t-shirt clad, toned back and into the soft, springy hair, reveling in the way the silky strands would wrap around his fingers, conforming to them in a way.

Shivers began to lightly rack through his body as the chilly, mid-February, night air caught up to him. He shuffled the thick blanket tighter around both himself and his boyfriend and pulled the solid form closer. That warm, heavy weight contrasting the freeze surrounding them brought him back to the first night they had ever spent together. It had been sometime that previous January and after a brief but tense blow up of emotions and a long conversation over the phone, Blaine had made the hour and forty-five minute drive from Westerville back to Lima and had stopped, as promised, on the way to pick up a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Kurt remembered waiting anxiously for his phone to buzz with the incoming text signalling his arrival. When it came, he had to literally stop himself from sprinting and instead, tiptoed down to the kitchen door. His heart had pounded with fear of being caught but also out of sheer joy that this wonderful boy had done this just for him. After easing the door open, Kurt had practically leaped into Blaine's awaiting arms. His boyfriend had to remind him of the melting ice cream in order to get him to peal himself away. Refusing to part completely though, he had taken Blaine's hand in his and after quietly grabbing two spoons, had dragged the Warbler back upstairs and into his room. Kurt shut the door behind them because the open door policy did not apply if his parents did not know Blaine was over. There had been several times when the Warbler had jokingly suggested that he just tell his father about his asexuality and then maybe they would be able to spend more time alone together but Kurt just laughed it off. They would get their time in the future and that was simply a conversation that he never intended to have. His sex life, or lack thereof, was nobody's business but his and the person he chose to share it with.

That night had been a first for them. It was a small first but a first nonetheless. There had been group sleepovers, both in the Dalton dorms and at the homes of various New Direction members, but even though their sleeping bags had always been placed next to each other's, being in a room full of other sleeping bodies was not the same as being tucked into the same bed in the privacy of their own room.

They had snuggled up under the burgundy duvet and settled into each other as an old Disney movie played quietly on the laptop resting on top of their knees. Kurt swore that the ice cream had been polished off in less than ten minutes but the details of that night were a bit hazy due to the blissful buzzing of his mind at the prospect that of spending the night in the arms of the boy he loved and waking up to those bright golden orbs the next morning.

That buzzing kept him awake well after Blaine had drifted off on his chest that night. He remembered watching the boy sleep in awe of the peace the washed through his form and the simple trust the Warbler had laid in him. It was humbling in a sense and as he began to card his fingers through the hair that was slowly breaking away from its gelled prison, that calm feeling of warmth and love and security transferred into him allowing him to finally rest after a stress filled day.

They had been able to sneak a few more covert sleepovers in during the final months of Kurt's senior year and the proceeding summer. The night before Kurt and Rachel left for New York, he had been able to persuade his father to actually allow his boyfriend to spend the night. The door had to remain open slightly and the boy's had to remain clothed but that was not an issue. Full clothing was one of Kurt's own rules for their sleepovers. He knew Blaine usually slept in only his boxer briefs from conversations long ago but the other boy seemed to have no problem in throwing on a pair of Dalton sweats and an old t-shirt.

It still felt new and special to him as he lay in his New York apartment with Blaine remaining sound asleep on his chest. Kurt smiled to himself at the knowledge that now, this time, Blaine would not have to sneak away early the next morning. He still had class at ten but that gave him plenty of time to wake up slowly in his boyfriend's arms, under the gentle gaze of his golden irises, and possibly persuade the boy with kisses to make him breakfast while he showered and dressed.

Kurt could not have been more excited to pack up his notebook and pens after his last class. Really he did not even understand why the world continued to turn on Valentine's Day. Back when he was single, he was too depressed and concentrated on pretending to be disgusted at other couples to do anything besides hiding his feelings in ice cream. However now, with a boyfriend, all Kurt could focus on was him and the fact that he had made him pancakes that morning and sent him off to class with a travel mug of steaming coffee, prepared just the way he liked it, with a light kiss and a promise to meet him with another round of caffeine outside his last class.

Sure enough, as Kurt stepped out of the classroom, Blaine was there waiting, cheeks and nose pink from being out in the cold and coffee in hand. The countertenor did not fail to notice a few of the girls giving the Warbler a quick second glance. The feeling that came from knowing that the cute boy was actually there for him and that in less than a minute all of his classmates would know, arguably topped waking up with him this morning.

"Hey," Blaine greeted with an infectious grin while handing Kurt his non-fat mocha latte.

"Hi," he breathed almost wistfully back. It was still hard to believe Blaine was here in New York with him. Since moving, Kurt had only been able to see him twice over Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was hard at first but he had eventually become used to being without the other boy physically present. The realization of his growing complacency had saddened him for a while. Seeing him again and hugging him and kissing him again made everything better though. It was not that he was falling out of love with the boy; it was that his mind was finding a way to cope without him by his side.

"How was class?" The other asked pulling him in for a quick hug.

"Good. Somewhat pointless. I couldn't stop thinking about you being here," he admitted with a blush. As he pulled away from Blaine's embrace, he locked eyes with his coffee cup out of a sudden bashfulness and noticed the note written in his boyfriend's neat cursive on the side. _For my precious Valentine? _

The notes were something Blaine had started around the time of their first sleepover. It was one of the little things the Warbler began doing that filled that void that had opened up after he had come to terms with his aversion to sex. There were a few other things, including Blaine's increasing use of "KK" when there were others around, but this was Kurt's favorite. "Why the question mark?" He asked curiously, taking a sip and reveling in its delicious warmth.

"Well, I don't have the greatest track record for this day so I wasn't sure if you would have me at all," the other boy replied in a joking tone. Kurt laughed lightly back and slipped his hand into Blaine's as they made their way out of the building.

"Being blinded was not your fault. If anything, you get bonus points for preventing it from happening to me."

"Yeah but even with the bonus I still end up in negative numbers when Dave Karofsky does a better job wooing you than me.

"Ooh, I forgot about that. Pressure's on tonight then huh?" Kurt responded teasingly earning him a playful but forceful shoulder nudge.

"Definitely! I even kicked Rachel out," Blaine stated proudly.

"What? How did you manage that one?" Kurt asked in awe. He had come to crave alone time since moving in with the ever-present and ever, obnoxiously loud girl.

"I called Quinn and suggested that since they were both single, they should make a girls weekend of the day. I walked her to the train station on my way here."

"I'm impressed."

"You better get used to that feeling."

"You better be careful about over hyping there Anderson."

"Oh just you wait Hummel."

The night was simple. After Blaine's spiel on the way back to the apartment, Kurt had expected a fancy restaurant and tickets to a show but there was nothing of the sort. Instead, there was a trip to a local grocery store on the way home where music was turned up and the boys found themselves dancing around the kitchen, attempting to cook some intricate pasta dish Blaine had found online. It was not however, disappointing in the least.

They had been away from each other for so long that it was nice just to be in each other's presence and become comfortable and playful again. That was one of the things Kurt loved about the Warbler; he was like an oversized puppy. He, himself had always had a harder time coming out of his shell like that and his boyfriend was one of the few tried and true people who could coax him out of hiding. A suit and tie required restaurant would have simply stifled that and without the hip bumps, the throwing of small objects, the restricting and hindering hugs, the insistent poking, the ridiculous dance moves and obnoxious singing, and the sheer laughter, he would not get the full Blaine experience.

They ate on the couch while watching '500 Days of Summer.' Blaine turned out all the lights and lit candles around the living room to create a romantic atmosphere and although Kurt greatly appreciated the gesture, he deemed it quite unnecessary. The pasta turned out decently. The fancy restaurant probably could have made better but sometimes it was the getting there that made the destination worth it. After both of them polished it off, Blaine brought out the mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons. They were well past the point where bowls were a part of this event.

"He's like you," Kurt stated as the movie drew to a close.

"How so?"

"He's taking the girl on a coffee date. That's like your go to thing," he teased.

"As I recall, there is a certain someone who refused to leave this morning without his caffeine fix."

"Oh and who would that be? Do I know this person?"

"Umm, I don't know. You might. He's tall, and fashionable, and fierce, and cute as a button," Blaine answered and punctuated with a quick peck to his lips.

"Blainers, anyone would be tall compared to you," he laughed back. "That's not really a helpful description."

"Shut up, you," Blaine chuckled back, leaning down once more to capture his lips, ensuring his silence.

He twisted in his boyfriend's arms so that neither had to strain their necks. He felt arms snake around his torso and allowed himself to sink into Blaine's chest and further into his gorgeously plump lips. And that's when he noticed. There was a hint of chocolaty mint lingering. Without thinking, Kurt darted his tongue out to swipe up the enticing flavor. He felt the boy holding him tense slightly out of surprise but the hands spread across his back tightened their grip on his shirt and Kurt took that as a sign to keep going.

"Mmmm, your face does taste awesome," he mumbled against the now slightly wet and swollen skin before diving back in with even more hunger. Kurt heard and felt Blaine groan lightly in embarrassment before the boy parted his lips a fraction in a hesitant invitation. He took it though. For some reason this no longer scared him. It was something he really, really wanted. He could not fathom the reason for the change. Maybe it was because he just felt more comfortable with Blaine now. Maybe it was because there was nothing he was hiding form himself or his boyfriend anymore and no fear of leading him on. It did not matter though. What mattered was that he was with the boy he loved and he finally felt a burning desire to explore the inside the other's mouth with his tongue, even if it was just to get another hint of the ice cream that was long gone. Nothing was going to stop him now especial the boy meeting his tongue with his own and twisting his hands into the back of his shirt.

**A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow canadians! i'm currently on the ferry back to school after spending the weekend at home with my annoying family. anyways, i hope everyone likes this chapter. i think it's my favorite so far**


	9. Chapter 9

His fingers twisted and gripped the thin cotton so tight that he was surprised it did not rip. He could not ease up though. The tension was building rapidly in his wildly imaginative, testosterone driven mind. Putting strain elsewhere helped to prevent an explosion of pent-up hormones and keep the rational cogs of his brain turning calmly. Calm was what he needed right now. Keeping still and allowing his boyfriend take control and dictate his actions would make this extremely pleasant experience remain that way for both of them.

It was difficult though. Primitively speaking, all he ever wanted was more of Kurt. More advanced notions of mental and emotional maturity had staved off this instinct slightly but it did not crush it entirely. In fact, Blaine found it somewhat scary as to how bad this was affecting him. Their chests were flush and Kurt was happily lapping up the left over ice cream flavour in his mouth but that was it. They remained fully clothed and their pelvises were still parted that small but crucial bit. Yet, he had to force all his blood into his fingers to prevent it from flooding elsewhere. Even with the added precaution though, Blaine could feel that distinct tingle low in his pelvis growing.

After what seemed like hours, Kurt's lips disappeared from his. He chased them without thinking even though he needed oxygen himself and the skin covering his lips was sore and swollen. This was something he never got though, and he needed it to continue. He was almost desperate for Kurt's tongue. His face ended up buried in the crook of his boyfriend's neck when the boy turned away insistently. Kurt's arms were still sure around his neck though, letting him know that he was still fine to continue kissing, and nipping, and licking, and sucking the warm and soft skin that surrounded him.

This was new territory as well. Blaine had often found the gentle slope of Kurt's broad shoulders to be the perfect place to rest his head. Other than the occasional peck and nuzzle though, as he would settle in or pull away, the smooth pale skin had been left unexplored. He had caught himself thinking about it occasionally when his mind was unfocused and his eyes caught sight of the enticing tendon and protruding collar bone. He had always shaken it away though, in the back of his mind hoping for one day but never holding his breath. Honestly though, now that he was finally getting to worship the virgin flesh, he would argue that he had not really been breathing previously at all. Maybe it was the that the scent that he would recognize as Kurt anywhere was suddenly flooding him in a way it never had before and the air he was no inhaling had never been so sweet or intoxicating or exhilarating and yet calming at the same time.

"Blaine, Blaine stop. That tickles," Kurt giggled out, his breath still laboured from earlier. That slight pant on his boyfriend's voice was something he was in no way prepared for and with the way the blood rushed dizzyingly away from his head and down to his groin, there was could be no doubt that there was a prominent bulge in his jeans. He bit down harder than he had been on the newly discovered pulse point to keep his from bucking up into the unsuspecting boy now shrieking with pure and innocent delight in his lap.

He sighed softly to himself. Only Kurt would be oblivious to the sexual nature of their activities and the growing need in his pants. The elated giggles still coming from the boy though made him smile though. There was something so joyful and angelic about them that supressed the frustration of being worked up only to be denied. It was a sound that rung almost like music to his ears and after pausing his ministrations briefly to refocus his mind, all Blaine wanted was to keep his boyfriend laughing and happy.

"That tickles huh? What about this then?" He asked playfully before redoubling his efforts. He slid his hands, which had previously been tangle in the back of Kurt's shirt, around to the boy's side and slipped them under the cotton covering to let loose their own tickling ability.

"No! Blaine, stop!" Kurt continued to protest but the smile, spread wide across his delighted face, suggested just the opposite.

"Never!" He laughed menacingly in response feeling the boy on his lap begin to squirm more and the hands that had been previously wrapped tightly around his neck detached and tried to bat his head and his own hands away. Kurt was no match for him though. The boy may be taller than him but Blaine had the muscle and within seconds, the Warbler had his boyfriend lying, pinned below him on the couch.

He had not really thought the act through. The last time he manoeuvred them like that had been the beginning of their delve into the asexual community. He had promised Kurt to never forcefully take control again, even if it was just so he could steal a simple kiss. His brain was unfortunately was still void of crucial blood at the moment though and so his impulses had taken over before he could stop them. It registered fairly quickly though as to what he had done and began to set in. He pulled away from the pale skin of his boyfriend's neck, now slightly pink and wet, to gauge the damage and figure out away to fix it so he would not have a track record of three disastrous Valentine's Days with his boyfriend.

What he found though surprised him. Kurt was still smiling through panting breath. His limbs were still spread out and relaxed instead of curled in on themselves and there was still a bright light shinning in his magnificently blue eyes. He was still happy and fully engrossed in the moment and the play and not at all afraid of his vulnerable position.

"What?" Kurt asked with a joyfully curious and slightly breathless voice. He must have paused for long enough for the other boy to return from his seeming euphoria and notice his disappearance.

"N-nothing, nothing. You're just too cute," he beamed taking in the auburn hair mused from its earlier perfect coif and the pinked cheeks that brightened even further at his comment. Kurt just stared shyly back at him, his bottom lip disappearing behind his front teeth. "We should probably head to bed though huh? You've got class early tomorrow," Blaine continued after a long silence passed between where they simply gazed in awe at each other.

"Yeeessss, daaaad," Kurt replied with a good natured eye role.

"Hey, what happened to the boy who was dying in a fit of giggles?" He asked, playing along as he climbed off his boyfriend to his feet, offering his hand to help the other up.

"You sent him to bed, dumby," his boyfriend replied as he pushed himself up off the couch on his own and stomped past him in mock agitation.

"Oh, no you don't." He reached out and caught the taller boy in his arms. The other began to protest again amongst the return of his infectious giggles. Once it became clear to Blaine that he would not be able to steer Kurt in the direction of the bedroom, he picked the other boy up, over his shoulder and carried him. This elicited an ear piercing shriek.

"Blaine Warbler Anderson, you put me down this instant!"

"No," he replied simply with an amused grin as he walked down the hall towards Kurt's room.

"You are a dead man."

"Because you look so threatening right now," he chuckled back.

"Bllaaaaaiiineeee," he whined through his own defeated laugh. "All the blood's rushing to my head." Blaine laughed out loud at this.

"Well that's just perfect pay back for earlier then, isn't it?" He stated as he flipped his boyfriend down onto the neatly made bed. The shocked look on Kurt's face made him register what he had actually just said. "Shit!"

"Wait, what?" The other asked timidly.

"Shit!" He brought his hands to his face in disbelief and began pacing the small room subconsciously.

"Blaine?" He could hear the fear and unease creep into Kurt's voice as the boy brought his knees to his chest in self defense. He cursed himself for being such an idiot. All his will power earlier had been for not now.

"Fuck!"

"Blaine, you're starting to scare me."

"Oh god. Fuck, KK. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I said that. It just slipped out and…..and god I'm such an idiot," he said in defeat as he slumped down onto the bed, far away from Kurt, and buried his head in his hands. "Everything was going perfectly and then I had to go and mess it all up, just like I always do."

"Did you mean what I think you meant by that?" His boyfriend asked quietly a hint of disgust seeping out on the last word.

"If I say no, will you believe me?"

"No," Kurt responded and Blaine swore he could hear the regret in his ridged voice.

"Then I suppose it's an unfortunate yes," he answered solemnly. "I don't know what to say, Kurt."

"I don't there's anything you can say." A few moments past in a tense silence before Blaine spoke.

"I'll, uh, I'll just go sleep on the couch." He tried to keep his voice strong even though he was crumbling on the inside. He made it slowly through the door, down the hall, and back out in the living room before Kurt spoke again.

"No, Blaine, wait," the other shouted in an almost panic. Blaine turned towards the voice but remained where he was. It was quiet again for a moment before Kurt appeared, framed by the bedroom door, arms wrapped securely around his stomach. He looked so small and all Blaine wanted to do was run and hug him but he knew now was not the time for anything physical even if it was as innocent as a comforting hug. He fixed his eyes on Kurt's waiting for the boy to speak and praying that he would at least be able to meet his gaze; he had been noticeably avoiding eye contact and fidgeting nervously. The countertenor took an audibly deep breath that seemed to calm him before continuing. "Y-you can sleep here."

"Kurt, I'm not leaving. I'll never leave you," he responded.

"No, I know. I just…You're going home in a few days and…it's not your fault so why should you have to sleep on the couch?"

"Don't do this because of me."

"Why not? What you said made me extremely uncomfortable but it was a mistake. You knew it immediately and you apologized. You're a part of this relationship too. It can't all be about me." His words were strong but Blaine could hear the hesitation behind them. Kurt was forcing himself to be okay with this. That though did not sit well with him and yet, Blaine knew his boyfriend's words had merit. It might be good to proceed as if his filter had been intact. It might help those words to actually sink in and truly reflect the way Kurt felt.

"Okay. I'll stay," he relented, walking slowly back towards the bedroom. Kurt did not wait for him and instead turned around and took a seat back on the bed. Blaine followed and sat beside his boyfriend. Another heavy silence surrounded them. Kurt was stiff beside him and Blaine was beginning to think this was a bad idea. Just as he was about to point out that this was simply not working, he felt a heavy head drop to his shoulder and fingers intertwine with his.

"You don't always mess things up. In fact, you rarely do. You're always the one to fix everything," Kurt said quietly but sincerely. He rested his own head on top of his boyfriend's, biting his inner cheek to keep his eyes from watering. "Tonight was perfect and I'm sorry for over reacting."

"You don't need to be sorry," he replied, pressing his lips the soft auburn locks.

"I'm going to have to work on it though, aren't I?"

"Yeah. You will. I'll make it as easy as I can but we'll never be one hundred percent sex free. We just won't."

**A/N: So i'm honestly not too sure about this chapter. I feel like this story is becoming very much 'sex is brought up, they figure it out'. I do however believe that that is how it would work in real life but it feels odd in writing. I still have ideas and plans for future chapters and all intent to keep writing but let me know if you're liking the direction this is taking or if you'd prefer to see it take another route. Like, would you want more of just them scenes, baking, or skyping about random things, or going out for coffee and being cute and what not. idk, those everyday things might balance it out a bit more and give their relationship an evident foundation instead of just an implied one. **

**lessthanthree**  
**Katie**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: so i got some feedback about this becoming all about sex i totally agree so i promise to steer away from that in the coming chapters. obviously it will come up and all of the topics that i wanted to address in the beginning of this story will still work their way in. i'm just going to add some other stuff in between that will hopefully round out their relationship a bit more.  
anyways, i already had this chapter written before the feedback came so there is still quite a bit of sex talk in it. i think it sets up some future alternative intimate activities quite well though so i'm just going to let it be.  
i hope everyone is still enjoying this and feel free to send me your thoughts  
Katie**

"So, how was New Haven?" He asked his roommate as she waked in the door late Sunday afternoon rolling her pink suitcase behind her.

"Really great," she beamed as she walked through the living room to her bedroom, presumably to unpack. Kurt got up from his seat on the couch to follow. After Blaine had left incredibly early that morning to catch his flight back to Ohio, he had felt very alone in the empty apartment. He always built up a tolerance of sort when he was away from his boyfriend for a long period of time but that damn always crumbled after seeing the boy and he would have to begin again from square one when they inevitably parted ways. "We had a spa day and she showed me around campus. It's amazingly gorgeous and she seems to love it. Oh and we took a note from your book and watched horror movies on Valentine's Day. That was actually a terrible idea because apparently we're both wimps. We ended up staying up all night talking and stuff because we were too scared to sleep." Kurt could not contain his laughter at this. "Stop it!" Rachel commanded as she turned to where he had perched himself on her bed to glare at him. She was soon fighting back giggles herself though and so she gave up on scolding him and went back to sorting clothes as she took them out of her suitcase. "Quinn says hi by the way oh and she wants details about your weekend. How was that by the way?" She asked with what he though was a knowing smirk. In reality though, she had no clue.

"It was perfect. I forget how much I miss him sometimes and I had planned to show him around a bit but after the first night of cuddling, I didn't want to leave the apartment," he answered wistfully as his mind wandered back to the few previous days.

"Just cuddling?" Kurt was snapped out of his pleasant daydream by the implication. Tainted questions like these, asked under the guise of innocent gossip, had always made Kurt tense. He had become used to brushing them off ever since he and Blaine had begun dating but he still really wished his friends would quit being so nosey. Every time it was brought up, it just reminded him of the striking difference between him and the rest of the world and caused him to briefly question if Blaine remained okay with it all now that they were a little older and it was all a little more expected.

"That's none of your business," he responded in a light hearted manner that made it seem that maybe they had done something more than just cuddle. Usually an answer of this nature would be sufficient provided there was a swift topic change afterwards. When Rachel Berry was involved, all he had to do was turn the spot light back on her and she would soak it right up. "Any cute guys in New Haven worth kidnapping and bringing back?"

"No. I mean there were some cute ones. Quinn pointed out a few that she had her eye on but none of them were worth doing jail time for. And don't change the subject. I know Quinn's invite was a plan cooked up by that Warbler of yours to get rid of me so two could have some alone time so spill." It seemed as if Rachel was not budging this time.

"I'm not discussing my sex life with you," he chuckled out. His desperation for this conversation to end was masked by a forced laugh and smile.

"Why not? I'm your best friend," she whined back. "And it's not like you're going to shock me or anything. I have two gay dads, remember? I know how stuff works." Rachel stated in a way that was far too matter-of-fact for the situation.

"Because, there's nothing to tell," he answered a little too quickly and a little too adamantly while avoiding eye contact with his persistent roommate.

"Oh, no. Did something happen? Did you guys have a fight? Was it awkward and stuff since you haven't seen each other in a while?" The girl asked with far too much concern as she dropped a sweater back into her suitcase and took a seat next to him on the bed. Kurt buried his face in his hands in both frustration and a need to escape. Talk about sex had always put him on edge and now that he was the center of the discussion, the disturbing images of him actually having sex with Blaine crawled into his head and made everything worse.

Suddenly, a beacon of hope rang out from the back pocket of his skinny jeans. He hastily pulled out his phone, eager to answer and willing to listen to whatever sales pitch the telemarketer of East Indian decent had to offer up. Reality proved better however, as the screen lit up with an image of him and his boyfriend taken two summers prior.

"It's Blaine," he exclaimed as he jumped off Rachel's bed and headed for his own room. "He must have landed." He pressed the green answer button and closed his bedroom door. "Hey. How was the flight?"

"Decent. I already miss you though," Blaine answered in a mock petulant whine that held just enough truth to send a warm tingle down his spine.

"Noooo," he whined back. "Don't start with that yet. I can't handle heart ache on top of everything else."

"What happened?" There was a curious chuckle to his voice.

"Ugh, just Rachel being nosey about our weekend. She's insisting that there was more than just cuddling because we were alone and it was Valentine's Day and that she deserves details because she's the best friend and she played her part by going to visit Quinn," he sighed out.

"Hahaha, yeah that sounds like Rachel. What did you tell her?"

"Nothing. You interrupted the conversation. I've been trying to avoid giving a definite answer either way but she's clearly not satisfied."

"Well you know you're well within your right to tell her to buzz off right?"

"Yes, I know. I've been on the brink but I'm afraid that'll make her suspicious."

"So telling her we're waiting for marriage."

"Are you kidding? There is no way I can get away with a religious construct. She's to recipient of all my religious rants these days."

"You realize marriage itself is a religious construct," Blaine stated with an amused chuckle.

"Not helpful!"

"Well why don't you feed her the answer she's fishing for. Make up something steamy but romantically cheesy with candles and flowers and all the jazz. Oh and don't forget to make me look good."

I can't do that!" Kurt stated in horror. "Just listening to Rachel speculating is torture."

"I could help. It could be our thing. Make up our sexual history together to satisfy others curiosity. That actually sounds kinda fun," Blaine replied in a tone far too cheery for his liking.

"You already have this worked out don't you?"

"Would that bother you?"

"I guess not? I thought it would have but I'm actually sorta curious now," he admitted cautiously.

"Yeah?"

"Oh god, you're way too excited about this," he answered with an eye role that he hoped Blaine could sense through the phone.

"Please, Kurt," the other whined.

"Okay but I still don't know if I'll be able to recount this to Rachel but we can try," Kurt relented. "You have to start though."

"Deal! Okay, so would this have been our first time?"

"Oh, um, I don't know," he replied a little taken aback by the question. How was he supposed to know what he and his boyfriends relationship looked like to everyone else when everyone else had such different expectations than himself. "What do you think?"

"I don't think it would have been," Blaine replied. "I'm pretty certain that I've been...well, that I've, you know, been... um, ready since the summer so my guess is that it would have happened towards the end, maybe as a goodbye of sorts. This weekend would have been our third or fourth time because we've still been reserving it for special occasions. And because it's still new, it would have been exciting but still very sweet and gentle." Blaine started off at little hesitant but Kurt could hear his voice grow surer as he spoke.

"Should it concern me that that was so easy for you to come up with?"

"Please don't let it. It's like the other night. There are just going to be things that I cannot help."

"Okay. Can we say all the other times happened at your house?" Even though he consented to this there was still going to be boundaries. His bed was one of them.

"Sure. That makes more sense anyways since my parents are always gone. Now, for this weekend, most of it would have been the same. I still would have picked you up after class with coffee and we still would have made dinner and watched a movie. Afterwards though, you would have jumped in the shower quickly because it was a long day at school and I would have started making your room fit for a prince."

"Could you have moved the blanket and pillows to the floor?"

"You have a thing about it not being in your bad huh?" Blaine asked, curiously amused.

"Yeah, I don't know. I would just prefer if we kept this away from there."

"Anything you wish. Do want candles and rose petals?"

"That seems a little unnecessary," he sighed and even though he agreed with his words there was a large part of him that did want the candles and rose petals."

"Nonsense! Besides, I still have all those candles from your phantom of the opera performance that never happened."

"So you flew them all out here with you?" he asked with a snarky bite.

"Are you kidding? There are like hundreds. I mean maybe if you were an actual prince or something then maybe but otherwise I think that's overkill. Your worth about twenty or so," Blaine deadpanned.

"Har har," he sighed back good naturedly.

"Yes and I would place those candles all around your room and light them and turn off the lights so there was only the warm glow from the small flames. I'd spread the rose petals overs the blanket on the ground, as per requested, and then after your shower you'd walk into the room in your boxers and my Dalton hoodie and you'd smile that shy smile of yours that you get when i pull away from a kiss too early and you still want more, cuddling into my open arms."

Kurt could feel a warm flush traveling up his cheeks at Blaine's words and it simply intensified as he admitted in a mumble to not actually owning any boxers.

"Wait, really?" Blaine asked in surprise. "What do you wear then?" Kurt could feel his cheeks warm at the question but answered anyways.

"Boxer briefs." His voice was shy and quiet. There was a pause in which he swore Blaine's breathing had become deeper but he chose to ignore that.

"Do you want to wear those or maybe a pair of my boxers since you're already in my hoodie?"

"No, I-I'll just wear my own," flushing at both the thought of wearing his boyfriend's underwear as well as the image of himself in his. He pushed past it though. This was just Blaine. He could do this with Blaine. "Can we dance first?"

"You want to dance?"

"Yeah, like slow dancing at prom where you just sway in an endless circle."

"I like that," Blaine stated wistfully. "Who leads?"

"You," he answered softly, falling back onto his bed and snuggling up to one of his pillows. "You're always the lead." The image of his head cradled on his boyfriend's shoulder with the other's resting gently on his. His arms were wrapped tightly but not tensely around the boys neck, his fingers toying with the curls that, in his mind had been left loose. Blaine's arms were wrapped around his waist in return, his hoodie maybe riding up slightly from his boyfriend's hands, holding him close and keeping him safe as he guided them in a slow spin in the dim room bathed in the candle flicker and the light scent of a sweet rose. He could not help but want that very scene to appear before him and to really be apart of it instead of just imagining it. It seemed wonderfully romantic and intimate. "Would you really do all that for me?" He asked in a shy voice.

"In a heartbeat."

"Why haven't you then?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"Oh, I um... I guess that it's just that it's been in my head as a lead up to more," the other answered, his voice riddled in guilt.

"Next time we're together maybe we should try it?"

"Okay," Blaine breathed in an almost whisper. "I promise. I'll even light twenty-five candles."

"That sounds amazing."

"Good. Now, should we continue with the other night?"

"What else is there?" He asked in hesitation.

"I can guarantee you she'll ask who topped. If there was anything, this would be the one you could get away with not answering but it'll come up nonetheless."

"Yeah, definitely skipping that one," he squeaked out, eyes threatening to pop out of his head.

"Alright," Blaine chuckled, obviously amused by his discomfort. "I guess all that's left is the falling asleep in a state of blissful delirium and a tangle of sweaty limbs."

"We should stay on the floor, like in 'The Notebook' and I get to be the little spoon like always."

"Done!"

"You think it'll work?"

"I think it's worth a shot. Try not to worry about it too much. I know Rachel's your best friend but really, her opinion does not matter and like I said earlier, you don't need to tell her anything." As Blaine finished, there was a knock on his door.

"Kurt, I'm going to go grab a piece of cake from that coffee place. You coming?" Rachel called through the closed door.

"Yeah, just let me say goodbye to Blaine."

"K," she called back.

"Hey Blaine? I gotta go. Rach and I are going to grab coffee so we'll see how this little story goes over."

"I should probably get going too. I need to get home at some point. Have fun though and don't stress out about it."

"I won't, I promise," he answered with a smile. "Wait, where are you?"

"I'm sitting in my car in the airport parking lot."

"Blaine!"

"What? You're not allowed to talk and drive at the same time," the other responded innocently

"You could have called me back," he mock scolded.

"Too late," Blaine stated cheerily. "Now go hang out with Rachel."

"I love you."

"Love you too, KK."


	11. Chapter 11

He simply stared at his phone in a bit of a trance once he had hung up. The world seemed to revolve around him in slow motion and the air he was breathing was heavy but sweet. He replayed the conversation and Kurt's tone over in his head, looking for the cover up he had missed the first time but he ended with the same outcome each time; the conversation had been a positive one.

This fact left him stunned in many ways. It was almost as if his boyfriend had done a one eighty within the past couple nights. Even if Kurt insisted otherwise, Blaine had arguable managed to ruin yet another Valentine's Day by simply letting it slip that the soft and tentative, but at the same time hungry, feel of Kurt's lips against his own and his tongue running smoothly along the backs of his teeth and tickling the roof of his mouth, had awoken the sexuality he had been trying to keep at bay. Days later however, his boyfriend listened and participated in his imagining of a night that would never be.

It felt good to get it off his chest though. He had not completely realized how bits and pieces from those little fantasies that would creep into his mind when Kurt was wearing those tight jeans that hugged his calves, and thighs, and ass so perfectly or had his hair sprayed up in that prefect coif that made his jaw line just pop, had been building slowly and implanting permanently. It was relief in a way. He had been keeping those dirty little secrets to himself simply because he thought the situation demanded it. After almost three years of dating though, those secrets were itching to be shared. He had been trying to ignore the sheer difficulty that was involved in keeping everything to himself because for starters, he did not want to have become _that_ guy whose mind only traveled one track, in one direction, at full power, but mostly because did not want to admit that maybe a romantic relationship with Kurt would not be feasible. The incident on Valentine's Day had brought all of this to the surface but that one phone call had soothed the growing pressure by opening a spill way. Blaine was smart; he knew this would not be a permanent fix but it bought him some time to hopefully grow up a little and out of the hormone charged phase and discover something else, something knew together, with Kurt.

Eventually, he realized he had been staring at his phone with a goofy grin on his face for far too long and gave his head a shake to snap back into the present world where he still had an hour and a half drive back to Westerville and it is already three fifteen. He threw his phone onto the passenger seat and put his keys in the ignition, adjusting the temperature before pulling out. Usually music was a staple in his car but he left it silent. He needed to think. If the past weekend had been their fourth time, when had the others been and how had they unfolded? He had been seeing glimpses in recent months but had stopped himself from really flushing the scene out. The long, solo car ride ahead of him though provided the perfect opportunity to let his mind wander into the previously forbidden now that he was allowed.

By the time Blaine pulled up the front gate of his parent's house, he swore he had never felt more alive or giddy. This was all promptly trampled by lonely and unaccepting atmosphere that he sadly called home. This year had been harder on him than expected because once Kurt left, it hit him that he really did not belong at McKinley. The other glee kids were fine but they were far from his friends at Dalton. He knew it was not their fault, per se. He had never got close to any of them the previous year because he had been too focused on Kurt and their relationship and now it just felt like it was too late. The biggest drawback to McKinley though was the fact that he had to live at home and could not board like he did at Dalton. It was hard to forget his parents disdain when he was face to face with it daily with no boyfriend to hide behind. He had stayed strong by pouring all of his time into school because good grades meant acceptance into Columbia or NYU where he could definitely be with Kurt the next year

The first night alone after seeing Kurt again was always the hardest though and it really hit him when his stomach growled as he walked in the kitchen door and he realized that tonight instead of dancing around the kitchen in laughter and song with his boyfriend, he would be making dinner for one, alone and in silence, out of fear of disturbing his parents. He solemnly climbed the stairs to his room and dropped his bag unceremoniously onto his bed before heading back down to find something that would ease his hunger. A lack of inspiration and all the good things in his life left him staring blankly into the fridge way longer than any environmentally concerned person would approve of. His vision was blurred with happy memories from the weekend but they were grey in colour knowing he would not get to go back for at least another few months. A ringing from his back pocket brought him back to the equally grey present.

"Hey," he said somewhat cheerfully, some light returning knowing it was Kurt on the other line.

"Hi. Got home safe, I assume?"

"Unfortunately," he mumbled in return. "How did your chat with Rachel go?"

"Only a few more months and I'll be back in two weeks for our break and I'll ask my dad if you can stay at my place, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Hang in there. But um…right the Rachel thing. That actually went pretty decently."

"Yeah?" He asked, eager for the details. Kurt's voice in his ear seemed to unlock his brain and he quickly rounded up the ingredients to make pancakes as he listened to Kurt.

"Yeah, I mean, she bought it and seemed satisfied. I'm not sure I was very smooth with the delivery but that may have helped."

"Do you feel weird about it?"

"Surprisingly, no. I know that lying is not the greatest way to build a friendship but like I said before, she always offers up stuff about her relationships and I think I've always made her feel bad about not sharing stuff about mine. Like I didn't trust her or something."

"I'm glad," he answered, not being able to keep the smile away from his face because he truly was happy for Kurt.

"So what are you up to?"

"Food. I'm making pancakes. Do you want to have a dinner date?"

"Oooh, that's perfect. Rachel's busy with some project anyways," Kurt agreed excitedly.

"Really? You're not sick of me by now?" He joked.

"Never. Well maybe if you'd stayed one more day?" His boyfriend teased back. "What should we watch?"

"Downton Abbey marathon? I'm pretty sure we only have three more episodes of season two." They had both, unknowingly bought each other seasons one and two for Christmas. It ended up working better that way though because it meant they could watch episodes together over skype while separated by three states. It quickly became a rule that they could only watch it with the other.

"Ooh yay! I read online that in the season finale, Matthew-"

"Lalalala, I can't hear you," he sang out, moving the ear piece away just in case. "How many times have I told you, no spoilers?"

"Ummmm a few," the other replied feigning innocence. "Sorry."

"I suppose you can be forgiven," he relented. He could almost see Kurt's puppy dog eyes through the phone. They chatted some more while finishing making dinner and then they both retired to their rooms where they each had the DVD queued up in one window and skype in another. "Okay ready, one, two, three, go!" Blaine always counted down the start. It was just unacceptable to not be in perfect sync.

They made it through two episodes before Blaine's eyes were drooping too low to continue. It had been a long day and he had to get up early for school in the morning. He took his computer into the bathroom while they did their skin care routine together. As much as he whined about just wanting to sleep, his boyfriend would not let him out of it. He then returned the computer to his room, placing it on Kurt's side of his double bed near the pillow and turned it to face his side.

"Be right back," he called, ducking out of the frame to change into the silky, navy blue pyjama set that Kurt had got him for Christmas two years ago. Blaine was quick to return though and snuggled down on his side while Kurt did the same from his apartment in New York. It took some imagination but with this set up, it was almost as if Kurt was there with him.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Yeah, KK?"

"You look sad."

"I'm just tired," he smiled softly. He left out the lonely, and abandoned, and outsider contributions to his frown. He was exhausted and could not handle diving into something that was clearly a real problem at this hour. The hour and a half drive to school the next morning was daunting enough.

"You sure?"

"I just always miss you most right after seeing you." This was true. It just was not the whole truth.

"I'm the same," the other responded with a light chuckle. "Don't forget that you're allowed to talk to me too though."

"I won't," he yawned. And he wouldn't. He would bring this up at a better time. "Goodnight, KK."

"Night,B."

He flipped off his bedside lamp but left his computer on. The faint sounds of Kurt's angelic laugh as watched a rerun of _Friends_ hummed softly through his speakers. If there was anything that could calm his mind and coax him to a restful and peaceful sleep, it was that particular sound paired with the grin that shone brightly even though he had dimmed the laptop screen.


	12. Chapter 12

"This counts, be the way," Blaine's voice sang mischievously through his laptop that was perched precariously on the crowded counter top.

"Counts as what?" he replied curiously, peering up from the bag of flour that his arm had disappeared in.

"As baking you cookies at least twice a year. This counts as one," the other replied with a smug grin removing his own arm from his own flour bag and dumping the full measuring cup into the large mixing bowl. The flour landed with a thud and Kurt could not help but laugh at the way it sprayed back into Blaine's face, wiping away the smirk. His own smirk appeared as he retrieved his own arm and very neatly transferred his flour to his bowl.

"What? I'm doing way too much work for this to count," he mock protested as he heaved the five pound bag back to the bottom shelve in the cupboard.

"You're the one who moved away so I couldn't actually do it myself," Blaine reasoned as he returned his own bag of flour to the cupboard. Kurt turned to the monitor to reply but his words were quickly lost in the flexing muscles of his boyfriend's arm. The pure art that radiated from a human form as perfect as Blaine's was not lost on him. It might have even been enhanced for there were no raging hormones to cloud his view. He snapped out of it when he noticed the other boy's movements had halted and as he brought his eyes to meet Blaine's, Kurt noticed that the playful smirk had returned. "Plus, you seem to be enjoying the view alright."

"It'd be a better view if you were actually here," he replied. There was a definite uncertainty in his voice. Innocent and playful flirting, especially of this nature, was not something that came naturally but he had recently begun to realize just how much Blaine responded to it. It seemed to put a spring in the other boy's step and a sparkle to his eyes. And as much as the comment was one that supposedly would rile someone up, Kurt noticed that it almost had a relaxing effect on Blaine. His best guess was that it took away some of the Warbler's constant need to keep things PG. Kurt knew Blaine was flirty by nature but ever since the boy's Freudian slip the previous weekend, Kurt began to realize just how much the other had been holding back. Together was one place neither of them should have to hide though and so he kept his word when he told Blaine that he would work on his comfort levels with topics of sexual connotation, especially when between the two of them. It wasn't sex, nor was it pressure to have sex or change who he was. It was simply making allowances for Blaine to be who he was.

He had also begun to somewhat enjoy it himself. Even though he still found it awkward and slightly embarrassing, he preferred to be the one making the objective comments instead of the other way around. It just felt safer and took him lesser out of his comfort zone. The more and more times he slipped little comments into conversation though, the less he thought about that sexually, objective element to them. They began to seem friendlier and increasingly innocent and fun. It became less about sex and more about intimacy. He would not say these things to just anyone. Blaine was it. He was the only person who could make him feel comfortable enough to explore this territory and at the same time the Warbler was the only person whose happiness mattered enough to him to make him consider meandering cautiously down that path. In Kurt's mind it brought them closer and gave them another piece of each other that no one else could have.

"Only four more months," Blaine responded softly after a pause. Kurt knew the beat was out of surprise. The other was still getting used to the comments.

"And then you'll have another five months until the end of the year to bake me cookies twice," he stated without hesitation.

"Okay but only if you promise not to get mad at me." Kurt picked up on the guilt in his boyfriend's voice and was flooded instantly with worry.

"What'd you do?" He asked as he put down the bag of chocolate chips and turned his full attention to his computer screen.

"I transferred back to Dalton," he whispered shamefully. Kurt was caught off guard. It was nothing terrible but it just had not been what he was expecting nor did he understand why Blaine had not told him. Clearly made anxious by the lack of response, Blaine launched into defense. "It's just that I feel like I actually have friends there and I can board again and not have to deal with my parents and it'll look better on college applications which are due next week and schools in the city are hard to get into-"

"Blaine," he cut the other's rambling off. "Take a breath. It's okay. I'm surprised and a little curious as to why you didn't tell me but I'm not mad. Why would I be mad?"

"Yeah, it uh, it was kinda a spur of the moment thing. I ran into my dad in the kitchen the other night and I just asked. He agreed, most likely to get me out of the house. But, I don't know, I just didn't want you to think that I felt McKinley was beneath me or that I resented you in any way for _making_ me transfer."

"There's something else. I can hear it your voice," he stated softly. There was another pause where Blaine continued adding ingredients to his cookie dough and avoided the webcam pointed in his direction.

"It feels like I'm running again," he eventually admitted to the counter. Without realizing, Kurt stepped closer to his computer and brought his hand to the monitor as if to reach out and touch Blaine, to bring him some source of comfort.

"From what though?"

"Loneliness." Blaine's whisper was barely audible and his eyes were still down.

"Oh, Blaine. Why didn't you tell me it was this bad? I had no idea. I could have helped."

"No, no you couldn't," the other corrected. There was no resentment or disappointment but his words were sure. "The only thing that would have made this better was if you were here but you can't be here." Kurt let the words sink in for a moment. They were true but it hurt to know that his happiness was causing the boy he loved so much distress. It also broke his heart to see how ashamed Blaine was about this.

"Why can't I be there?"

"What?"

"Just answer the question."

"Because you've dreamed of New York your whole life. It's what makes you happy," Blaine stated.

"And Dalton makes you happy. Seeking out that place of acceptance and belonging does not mean you're running from where you are." He paused trying to gauge the other's response but Blaine's eyes were still on the counter and his arms had snaked protectively around his body. "This isn't running, B. And really, it wasn't running before either. No one is going to think that," he soothed. Blaine's eye lifted slightly at this and it was then that Kurt knew what the other needed to hear him say. "Blaine, look at me. This does not change anything, okay? I still love you and I'm still incredibly proud to have you on my arm. You have no idea how good it felt when you picked me up from class with coffee and everyone got to see you. It'll always be that way, B, always." The golden eyes finally found his through the computer screen and although they appeared to have tears threatening to spill, they were bright and open.

"S-sorry," he finally mumbled, swiping away the tears with the back of his hand. "I didn't mean for this to get so emotional," he finished with a forced chuckle.

"Don't be. You're allowed to let it out. Now, you're going to rejoin the Warblers, right?" Kurt asked brightly, trying to make Blaine get excited about returning to Dalton again.

"I don't know," the other sighed sadly. "It's right before regionals and I'm coming from the competing team. I don't think they'll let me."

"Of course they will. They're your friends. They let me join and you used to be lead. You probably won't get a solo but I can guarantee they'll invite you back with open arms," he stated assuredly. The Warblers were the key to all this. It was with them that Blaine first found acceptance and belonging and it was with them that he would truly feel happy again.

"Do you know how many strings I had to pull to get you on the team? They don't just let people join."

"I know but you're already one of them. You've never stopped being my Warbler. Just promise me that you'll try, okay?"

"Okay, I promise," Blaine relented, looking him in the eye through the monitor and smiling lightly. There was a thankfulness about it. It was as if Blaine knew this is what he needed too but he was too far into a depressed state that he needed that push and reassurance in order to make it happen.

"Now, did you get your old room back?" He moved on, keeping things as cheery and as light as he could.

"No, I'm on the senior floor now but it's still next to Jeff's so that'll be fun."

"That's good," he replied with a grin, mimicking the light one spreading on his boyfriend's face. "Although, I have to admit that I miss your old room sometimes. It feels so long ago that we used to do homework in there or have movie nights."

"Well my new room will look exactly the same so you're more than welcome to come by and we can recreate all the bashful blushing and lingering glances that plagued our friendship."

"Plagued? Really, Blaine. Why not graced or decorated?"

"I was trying to not sound gay," the other dead panned as he began placing cookie dough on his baking sheet. "Oh and you're making your cookies too small."

"Excuse me?" Kurt answered in mock offense. "I'm the master baker in this relationship. I believe I know what I'm doing," he stated with pride and continued placing his own dough onto the cookie sheet.

"I'm not questioning that," Blaine chuckled back. "But this is as close as you're going to get to me baking for you so in order to keep it authentic, you're going to have to do it the way I would. Now, they need to be big. There needs to be a sense of childlike wonder when you open the cookie jar and take one out because it's just so much chocolate and sweet that you're not sure if you can actually eat it all."

"You are ridiculous," he replied with a fond eye role. "They should be small. They bake more evenly that way and then you can have one without the need to run a mile to work it off."

"But Kuuuuurrrrrrtttttt," Blaine whined. "Cookies are a youthful treat. You can't get all grown up about them. That just ruins everything."

"I'm not ruining anything by actually making it better and taking away the guilt from it."

"You're insufferable," the other pouted, his plump lower lip sticking out and his eyes widening and brow furrowing adorably. Kurt found himself about to give in but then his boyfriend turned away from the computer in huff to place his baking sheet in the oven and the new view gave Kurt a little inspiration.

"Well if you're so disturbed then you should get your cute little ass out here and make them for me." He heard Blaine chuckle and could not help but laugh himself as his boyfriend began to wiggle his hips in what Kurt supposed was a seductive manner. For him though, it was purely joyful and the sparkle and life he saw in the golden eyes when Blaine finally turned back around with a wink simply made it all brighter.

"Kurt?" The familiar voice of the blonde rang with curiosity as he answered the phone.

"Hey Jeff, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine. How's the big city?"

"It great but um, I was wondering if you had talked to Blaine recently."

"Can't say I have. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I think it's fine but he's transferring back to Dalton. I'm a little worried because he seems somewhat disappointed in himself for it even though we both know it's what'll make him happy.

"Are you serious? He never said anything. Did something happen?"

"No, no, nothing happened. McKinley just isn't home for him like Dalton was. He's not too proud of the decision though so I was hoping you and Nick could just keep an eye on him and make sure he's embracing it all again and not fighting it."

"We can do that," The other responded chipperly.

"I know being back on the Warblers would help so if there was any possibility there"

"Definitely! The guys will be thrilled to have him back. I'm sure we can sort something out."

"Thank-you, Jeff. I really, really appreciate it," he stated earnestly.

"Happy to help!"


	13. Chapter 13

Compared to the first half of the year, the second half seemed to fly by. There had been something weird about pulling on that Dalton blazer again in those first couple days back at the all boy preparatory school. It felt as if he was going backwards almost, stepping back into the closet. Within the first few weeks though, that unsettling feeling disappeared beneath his boyfriend's encouragement and genuine happiness for him and his friend's support and mischievous distractions. Nick and Jeff were back at his side in the way his family never was and Kurt was incapable of at the time and it all started to feel right again. He still missed his boyfriend but he was no longer lonely and lost. He belonged at Dalton and as a part of the Warbler's. It was his first true home and once he had accepted that being there was not a dishonor to himself, the life came back to him and before he knew it, Blaine found himself shedding the blazer once more for a cap and gown instead.

His parents were noticeably absent from the ceremony but at this point, that was to be expected. Kurt was there though, beaming brightly from the audience. His boyfriend had flown back to help him pack and to watch him graduate and then the next day they would hop in his car and make the drive through three states into the city where their lives together would finally begin.

They went to dinner with some of the Dalton boys to say goodbye before hitting the highway. They only managed to get five hours into the eleven hour journey before finding a motel to spend the night. Blaine had to dig out his bedding from the trunk of his car when Kurt refused to sleep on the provided linens. Blaine smiled fondly as his boyfriend aggressively stripped the bed. It had been a long time since they had been alone together for more than a couple hours and it was simply nice. Saying goodbye to Dalton was hard but the feeling of his hands tangled with Kurt's over the gear shift made it easier because it meant that there was a new home to go to now.

"We should christen it, don't you think?" His boyfriend whispered as those familiar arms snaked around him once they had finished unloading all the boxes into his room. "To make it our room."

"Oh? And what did you have in mind?" He asked leaning back into the hug. He knew what Kurt was thinking but he wanted to prolong the conversation. Rachel was in the kitchen starting dinner and they had promised to help once they were done with the boxes but he was not yet ready to leave the warmth of Kurt's body pressed to his.

"You know Rach is here, right?"

"Yes but it's not as if we'd actually doing anything scandal worthy and I'm pretty sure she's already anticipating catching us sooner or later. So really, if anything we'll be a disappointment," Kurt answered with ease.

"Touche," he chuckled in response. His grin remained after the laughter died. He was just so relieved and happy about how far Kurt had come. They could joke about it without Kurt becoming uncomfortable and him having to filter his words. It simply made their dynamic more relaxed and fun. Being able to truly be himself was never among the other luxuries in the Anderson household. He had begun to see it at Dalton and had been granted glimpses of it with Kurt when he had forgotten about being the strong mentor and then the extremely patient and cautious boyfriend. Ultimately though, he needed that all the time with Kurt and it was in these humorous moments that Blaine could see that they were getting there.

* * *

By midsummer Blaine found himself becoming restless. It was not because the city was boring him. Kurt and Rachel had found almost an overwhelming amount of cool little shops and coffee houses to show him when they were not in summer classes and when they were in classes, they always came home with gossip. Friends he knew from Dalton began to flood into the city as they too had been attracted to the prestigious universities in the city. Blaine even managed to find a part time job playing music at a local café so there were certainly things to keep him occupied. It was simply that one thing that he could not have that left him impatient and fidgety and agitated.

He had always been physically attracted to Kurt and the evidence was clear every time they kissed in that wet and steamy and slippery way where they both ran out of oxygen and yet kept their lips and torsos pressed tight. His boyfriend knew but only because of previous conversation. Blaine always kept his pelvis painfully far. By the end of July though, his body's excitement seemed to almost be a constant state. When they cuddled on the couch or Kurt wore those tight pants or the boy whispered innocent things into his ears, Blaine would get hard. It was not just a tingle down there like it used to be. No, Blaine would get fully hard and have no outlet for it.

The worst was the morning. How he longed to wake up slowly and peacefully, nuzzling deeper into the warm body of the boy next to him. Instead, he would be jolted awake by an intense and almost painful throb in his loins and would have to creep out of the bedroom and into the shower. Masked by the fan and the noise of the water, with the knowledge that both Kurt and Rachel were still asleep, was the only time Blaine felt comfortable enough to actually relieve himself instead of waiting for it to go away on its own. He had tried the cold shower approach but his morning wood, a combination of vivid dreams and his boyfriend's pert ass pressed against his crotch as they spooned, was just too severe. Blaine was always thankful that he woke up first. If Kurt did, there was no way the other boy would miss the stiff rod poking him and although there had been allowances made, Blaine was not sure Kurt was ready for this one and even if he was, there would be a better way to go about introducing it to their relationship.

There was no getting around the embarrassing nature of the situation. He could never predict where or when his body would respond and it never seemed to matter who else was around. He was constantly being reduced to a pubescent teenager having to find something to hold inconspicuously in front of himself or scramble together some excuse for not getting up. His paranoia kicked in automatically and every general glance in his direction from a stranger on the street, or a friend, or even from Kurt, became this judgmental glare as if he was some pervert. They most likely had not even noticed and yet Blaine started feeling a shame creep back into his association with sex. It was a feeling he had struggled for a long time to get rid of and now all of a sudden it was back and with it came a need to separate himself from Kurt more and more.

Blaine found himself trying desperately to avoid physical contact with the other boy. Goodbye kisses in the mornings were hardly pecks and hello hugs at the end of the day were one armed. When they went out, Blaine would offer to carry anything and everything that needed carrying so that his hands were occupied and could not grasp his boyfriend's. It was weird because for the past year he had been counting the days until he could be physically close to Kurt again but now he sometimes wished he was back in Ohio.

Blaine could tell that Kurt had noticed the growing distance. The flirty comments had slowed considerably as if the other boy was afraid that he was actually doing something wrong. This just added even more stress to him, knowing that their relationship was ultimately suffering and it was on him to fix it. It was becoming harder and harder to sleep at night and it seemed that within minutes of his eyes finally closing, they would spring back open and a quiet and frustrated groan would slip from his lips at the familiar and persistent throb.

This morning started out like all the rest. There was an unusual chill in the summer air. As he became fully alert, the pitter patter of the rain on the window. The cloud covering kept the room darker than typical and that with the combination of the cool air when he was wearing only thin, summer pyjamas made him want to snuggle closer to Kurt and soak up his body heat and just slip back into slumber. As peaceful as it sounded in his head though, reality was much crueler and staying would only lead to uncontrollable grinding. So, Blaine gently crawled from the bed and wrapped his arms around his body in a shiver before creeping off to the bathroom to take care of the stirrings down below.

He turned on the hot water and let the small room warm from the steam for several minutes before stripping his boxers and t-shirt and climbing in. The feeling of the warm water pouring over him had become somewhat comforting. It was his safe place, where he did not have to hide or lie. Once he was out he could feel guilty about it but while he was under the spray, he could just give in to his body. It felt like the water knew more about his body than Kurt did.

Taking himself in his hand, Blaine could not help but let out a groan. Clearly it had been too long since the last time he had had release even if it had just been the previous morning. Images of himself and Kurt formed in his mind and fully flushed recounts of nights that never were lay heavily on the tip of his tongue and in his flesh as the skin on his own hand became softer and the finger, longer, morphing into his boyfriend's. Even though he knew that in a few moments he would feel so agonizingly empty and alone, at the moment it just felt so good.

It felt _so _good. The warm tingle stated to spread outwards and although he was no longer cold, it was very much welcomed. His skin was begging for touch and he shifted constantly under the water to try and fulfill the never ending want. It worked though. Worked. It never met his high expectations for what was involved in a relationship or in love. It was simply worked and it was working now. His breathing became shallow and erratic, his knees became weak, and then there was a knock on the door.

"Blaine!"

And that was it. The rough sound of his boyfriend's usually angelic voice, tainted by the early morning pushed him over the edge. He bit hard on his lip to keep from crying out and braced himself on the wall to keep from falling as his body shook with the force.

"Blaine," Kurt called again slightly louder and entirely unassumingly. He cursed himself immediately for allowing that perfectly innocent sound to drive him over the edge.

"Yeah," he called back, trying desperately to keep his voice even and to get his head back from the clouds.

"Can I come in?"

"S-sure, sure," he stammered, frantically reaching for the shampoo. Even though Kurt would not be able to see him through the opaque curtain, he still had a need to pretend to be doing something else. He heard the door creek open and shut again and he felt himself trying to get hard again at the thought that there was only a curtain separating his wet, naked body from his boyfriend who had knowingly put himself in the situation. He then became extremely curious as to why Kurt was there, if not a little hopeful. "What's up, KK?"


	14. Chapter 14

"What's up, KK?" He heard Blaine ask through the shower curtain after stepping into the steam filled room.

"Nothing really. I'm just cold and it's warm in here," he answered with a shrug, spotting the fluffy towels on the rack and pulling them off to sit on. He could already feel his muscles, tensed from the cold, relaxing and the steam opening up his pours.

"So you're just going to sit in here while I have a shower?" His boyfriend chuckled in disbelief.

"That's the plan."

"That's an interesting plan."

"Well I'm still half asleep so I cannot be held responsible for my actions," he yawned in reply. "You always get up so early and so this way I can at least sort of wake up to your presence. That's something I was really looking forwards to once you move in," he mused softly. "But you're always gone."

"S-sorry," the other replied rather lamely. Kurt was waiting for the sarcastic remark to follow but it never came. The silence hung heavily, weighed down by the water and the steam. It was true that this was a reality that had disappointed him but Kurt had not thought there was anything more behind the situation until now. As he simply watched his boyfriend's shadow move behind the curtain, the peaceful moment surrounded by the heavy guilt and hurt brought forwards all those times where he had reached for Blaine's hand and the other had drummed up an excuse to pull away or how whenever they settled on the couch to watch something, Blaine was always getting up to get snacks or drinks and they could never just cuddle.

Kurt knew the Blaine had not fallen out of love with him. They still talked and laughed and shared their souls. Blaine still baked him cookies and wrote sweet little notes on his disposable coffee cup. Kurt even caught the other's adoring glances from across the room that reminded him so much of high school when everything was new and exciting. The fact that those little things were still there assured Kurt that they still had something solid underneath whatever it was that was making Blaine so physically chaste.

"Sing to me," he requested out of the blue.

"What?"

"I haven't heard you sing in ages. Please?" Music was what they fell in love over. It had always been the easiest way for his boyfriend to express himself and dancing with him, when he could lose himself in the lyrics or the beat, was when physical closeness felt the most comfortable and natural and desired.

"Any requests?"

"No. You pick." His heart proceeded to melt as he heard the opening lines to Teenage Dream. The memories it brought back, the innocence and acceptance and awe that surrounded the dapper boy in the blazer and those months that followed at Dalton. There was a strain, almost as if the other was fighting back tears, in the usually radio smooth voice. It may have been because of the early hour but Kurt guessed it was something else, something had to do with the physical distance between them and what was keeping this from truly being a teenage dream come true.

As Blaine rounded out the final note, Kurt heard the shower shut off. He did not want to leave yet. He wanted Blaine to stay in there until he could figure out how to fix everything because as odd as the situation may be, this was the closest he had felt to his boyfriend in long time. It felt like this may have perhaps been the honest Blaine had been in a long time.

"Hey KK, wanna hand me a towel?"

"Right, sure." They were quiet while Blaine dried off and all of a sudden Kurt's brain started to realize just how naked his boyfriend was behind the curtain and how he would be pulling back that curtain in a matter of seconds. He did not doubt that the towel would be fixed around the other's waist but he was not sure he was prepared for that just yet. It was kind of a small towel.

"If you're still going to hang, can you get my boxers too? They're probably tangled in my pjs. Sorry," the other stated sheepishly.

"Yes, boxers, right. You know you should really take off each item at once and fold it neatly," he scolded light heartedly as he pulled the baby blue boxers with white pin stripes from the navy pyjama bottoms.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll keep it in mind," Blaine chuckled.

"You know these are kinda cute," he mused as he passed the cotton shorts over the curtain rod to the waiting hand. "They're like a little sailors uniform."

"Well I'll keep that in mind too," his boyfriend replied, a smirk evident in the smug voice. Kurt huffed in annoyance and turned his attention to the pile of clothing on the tile floor. As he was folding them meticulously he heard the shower curtain be pulled aside and glanced hesitantly into the large mirror over the vanity towards Blaine's body.

It was simply breath taking. He had only seen the other boy like this, shirtless and in shorts, a hand full of times previously when they went swimming. This was not a view he used to yet. The muscles sculpted with an ease on the tan flesh that played host to a scattering of dark hair and water droplets that had escaped the towel. The boy was gorgeous. Kurt drank in the sight, almost waiting for his body to respond because even though he knew it never would, if there was ever a tantalizing sight, one that all those graphic romance novels spent pages describing to girls desperate for some excitement, this was it. This was it and although his heart began to pound and his brain was clouded over, it was because of the simple awe of his boyfriend's beauty and not from any stirrings elsewhere.

"You're all scruffy," he commented as Blaine pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek.

"Yeah, well it's like this every morning," the other shrugged reaching for his razor.

"Wait, can I do it?" Kurt asked suddenly. Physical intimacy is what he had been missing and craving. They had to be creative with it and sometimes with work and school, the energy to come up with something that did not involve naked, sweaty bodies was difficult. This could work though. As Blaine peered at him questioningly, the idea grew on Kurt more and more. "Here, just hop up on the counter," he directed taking the razor out the Blaine's hand with ease.

"Okay," the other agreed, still clearly unsure. Kurt watched patiently as Blaine jumped up onto the granite surface and placed the towel he had been patting his unruly curls in his lap, wiggling a bit to get comfortable.

"If you sit on the towel it'll be more comfortable," he suggested offhandedly.

"No, uh, no. That's fine," Blaine responded in a bit of a panic. Kurt looked on curiously but the other seemed to settle and flashed him a reassuring and apologetic smile.

"I won't cut you," he assured as he stepped between his boyfriend's spread thighs. "I promise," he whispered pressing his lips tenderly to Blaine's and placing a steadying hand on the slim waist as his boyfriend's golden orbs slipped closed. The gentle buzz emanating from the razors motor when he turned it on seemed to calm them both. He could feel Blaine's warm and rhythmic breath tickling his neck. He could see each individual long, dark, eyelash flutter gently against the rosy cheeks, peeking out from behind the dark whiskers, flushed from the steam still bathing the room in soothing warmth. He felt the body slump and soften beneath his touch. His own heart had slowed to a relaxing thump that allowed him to keep time at a pace that was neither too fast nor too slow.

He brought the bladed tool up to the plump cheek and pressed and pulled gently. He could feel Blaine's breath break pattern as the nervous boy inhaled deeply. He brought his free hand up to cup the other cheek. He lightly brushed his thumb absentmindedly back and forth, playing with the distinguished scruff that he never got to see just before he would take it away. Watching and feeling his boyfriend relax into the tender touch, Kurt continued the action of his other hand, revealing the baby, smooth skin underneath. A tingle in his lips informed him that they would not be able to resist the newly shaven skin and he leant forward to appease them for a moment. Blaine hummed in response, the vibrations traveling into his hand still resting on the other cheek. He felt the large, strong hand that fit perfectly in his snake around his wrist and grasp tightly and the muscular, bare thighs gripped his hips in a way that pulled him in and asked for more.

Kurt indulged him. He moved his body closer, molding his chest into Blaine's. His lips remained in contact with skin but he let them explore in a way that Blaine had not allowed him to do in a long, long time. He followed the cheek bone up to his ear and down around the back, pausing to reacquaint his teeth with his boyfriend's ear lobe. Giggles soon erupted as his lips continued inwards, back towards Blaine's, and his own cheeks were met with the still unshaven scratch that tickled more than anything. He felt his bottom lips become captured between Blaine's teeth and squealed at the surprise pressure.

"Hush, you," his capture growled all while keeping him trapped. "I believe there is unfinished business you need to attend to." Blaine then released his lip and quickly brought his hand to his cheek to keep it steady before turning his own head to the side and rubbing the scruff roughly over Kurt's sensitive skin. It was definitely more scratchy this time and Kurt did not last long.

"Okay, okay I surrender. Stop! I surrender!"

Blaine eventually pulled away but not without kissing him fully on the lips. Kurt felt a bit of the other boy's tongue slip out. A part of him wanted to entice it out play a little longer but then he got a good look at his boyfriend's half shaven face and realized that not even a man a gorgeous as Blaine could pull off a look that ridiculous.

Kurt brought the razor to the untouched cheek and continued his work. He noticed Blaine's eyes were opened this time though and somewhat fixated on him. A quick glance away from his meticulous work and he noted that the bright orbs had darkened and were pointed at his lips. It was eerie in a way. No matter how lightly he hummed or gently he stroked his thumb against smooth skin of the side he had already completed, Kurt could not get Blaine to relax.

"Tilt your head up," he whispered, almost afraid to speak. He could see the tendons straining below the taught skin and the prominent bob as Blaine swallowed harder and more frequent than usual. "B, relax a bit for me. I'll cut you if you don't," he urged calmly, running his free hand from Blaine's cheek down the side of his neck and over his chest to rest at his hip bone. The other boy's eyes snapped shut at his touch and his nostrils flared. His body was almost shaking. "Blaine?"

"Um, uh, why don't you go put the coffee on. I'll finish this off," his boyfriend suggested through gritted teeth.

"What's wrong?"

"N-nothing, Kurt. I just, I'm scared you're going to go all Sweeny Todd on me. Just….please."

Blaine turned his head away as a spoke and as Kurt leaned forwards, reaching to turn his boyfriend back to face him, he felt it. It took him a second to figure out exactly what it was because it was so foreign to him but suddenly, his boyfriend's placement of the towel on his lap made sense.

"Oh," he stated in quiet shock, eyes wide and hands pulled far away from the boy on the counter. Kurt knew this was normal for normal people but it freaked him out in a way he could not explain or understand. He could not wrap his brain around sexual desire and so having it pointed directly at him, literally, caused him to shut down and become extremely self-conscious. He almost felt used and dirty in a way even though Blaine had never touched him. All of the intimacy they had regained in those past few minutes was destroyed and he just stood there, staring in a judgmental and almost sickened manner while Blaine fought back tears. "C-coffee. Right."


	15. Chapter 15 : Part 1

**A/N: Alrighty, so this is part one of ch 15. There will be three parts. Part two will be posted tomorrow and part three on Sunday. Enjoy! **

His head spun in a fog far somewhere far from his traitorous body for a long while after Kurt left the bathroom. He was almost glad for it. He did not want to return to the monstrous flesh that his boyfriend had jolted away from in disgust. Just like he had no control then though, back when Kurt was standing strong between his thighs, kissing and caressing, loving him, Blaine felt his head sink back into his scull as his eyes cleared of tears and his vision returned. The faint sound of the coffee brewing in the kitchen made him shudder and brought him back fully.

A sudden feeling of exposure washed over him even though he was alone in the room and the door was closed. He quickly grabbed his pyjamas where they were sitting next to him, neatly folded, and pulled them forcefully on to cover himself up. He grabbed his razor next and quickly finished shaving the scruff on his neck. Clean shaven meant young, young meant innocent, and innocent meant no sex. No sex meant maybe that maybe the boy he loved would love him back.

"We um, we should talk, Kurt," he spoke softly upon entering the kitchen. His boyfriend was seated at the table with a mug of coffee and an assignment for school in front of him. Blaine had a suspicion that there was not a lot of progress being made judging by the unfocused stare that the blue eyes were directing just above the page.

"It's okay," the other spat out quickly.

"Well no, it's actually not," he corrected carefully making his way to the coffee pot and pouring himself a mug before sitting down across from his boyfriend. "KK, this isn't working," he all but mumbled.

"I'm sorry I stepped too close. I didn't mean to get into your _personal space_," Kurt replied without looking up.

"No, see this is what I mean. You're always welcome in my _personal space_. In fact you're more than welcome." He saw Kurt squirm uncomfortably in his chair just like the boy did when those scenes happened in movies or their friends brought it up conversation. Blaine would usually hit fast forward or change the topic. He had to keep pushing this time though. "The problem is that I want you there and you clearly don't."

"This isn't anything new, Blaine," Kurt hissed back at him. "I believe you've known about this for almost two years now and if I'm not mistaken I gave you an out back then and you said no, it's fine, you'd still love me."

"I do still love you. I'll always love you. Why are you mad at me?" He asked a little dejectedly.

"I'm not mad at you."

"You're scowling at me." He simply got more scowl in response. The frustration built at his boyfriend's lack of effort and it was quickly turning into anger. They both knew from the beginning that communication was going to be the key to their dynamic. Blaine knew he had been failing miserably at this for the past month or so and now that he had finally worked up the courage to open up, something he was poor at to begin with, into foreboding territory, he felt that it was Kurt's duty to be by his side and not leave him stranded out in the open. "This isn't all about you, you know. I'm a part of this relationship too and in case you truly are unaware of my presence here, I'm also a nineteen year-old male who, despite having a boyfriend for over two years, is still a virgin."

"You can't blame me for your inability to keep it in your pants. You won't even kiss me properly anymore and yet you want sex? That's just wrong in so many ways."

"Right see, this is what I'm talking about," he yelled back. "You have no idea what's happening here because you're too scared or closed minded or something to look around. I'm not some horny pervert, Kurt. The only person I want to have sex with is you because I love you and for your information, sex is how normal people show that love."

"Normal?" Kurt seethed in return. "Is that how you really feel? What happened to the boy who held me in the back seat of his car and told me everything would be fine." The tears forming in the crystal blue eyes made Blaine regret his choice of words but he was beyond the point of backing down. He could apologize later. Right now he needed to get this out. He needed Kurt to know why tears had formed in his own eyes earlier, a fact the other had noticeably failed to ask about.

"He's been twisted and warped into a heinous monster by the only person that's ever actually mattered to him," he forced out behind his own watering eyes and breaking voice. "That's how you make me feel when you jump ten feet and look at me in disgust. How would you like it if I looked at your body like that when you were already in a vulnerable position? I'm not _that _guy, Kurt. I'm not. I don't just want anything that has a pulse but you've turned me into him. You make me feel ashamed about wanting to be with you.I've already been through that when I came out to myself and then to my parents. I can't do it again, Kurt, I just can't. And you know," he continued a little calmer after taking a deep breath. "I think I could handle the no sex thing if we were truly in this together, if we could laugh about it and tease each other about it and talk about our frustrations together. We're not doing this together though, Kurt," Blaine said as he stood up from his seat. "You've left me all by myself." He got no reply, only more scowl.

In defeat he walked back to their bedroom and quickly threw on some sweats and a t-shirt. He thought about packing an overnight bag but passed. It would be too easy to not return if he did. Grabbing his keys, phone, and wallet off his side table, Blaine walked back into the hallway and towards the front door. He expected to be stopped but he also expected to be loved and accepted and cherished and Kurt had failed him there. "I'll be at Wes's," he called back to the kitchen in one final attempt to coax some sort of response for the other boy. Silence, the bitter silence of tension and distress and sheer pain rang out clearly. It was a silence that was all too familiar growing up in his parents' house. He had never thought it would plague his own.

He stepped out of the apartment quickly and into the bustling summer streets, welcoming the infamous noise of the New York. It meant he could forget about the silence for a little while and focus instead on the life that seemed to whip through the air here like blood through veins. It was such a contrast to how he felt. He felt as if he blood had stopped altogether, pooling in his feet, making his steps heavy, and in his head, making it throb. The ache was too strong for the powerful and ever present thump of the city's heart and it left Blaine feeling dead inside. Getting those things off his chest was supposed to make him feel lighter, relieved, and closer to Kurt and finding a lasting solution to the situation. It didn't though. It made him feel worse. Maybe that was because he had just bared his demons to someone who he could not even trust his body with.


	16. Chapter 15 : Part 2

**A/N: and here's part 2**

"What was that?"

"Jesus, Rachel. Don't sneak up on people like that," he chastised the girl who was way to perky for the time of the morning and the situation he was in. "Shit! How much of that did you hear?" He asked in a panic.

"Enough to know that your Valentine's Day story was a lie," she answered him softly while pouring her own cup of coffee.

"Rachel, I can explain. I didn't mean to lie to you. I just felt really bad about never being able to share. Please don't hate me," he choked out through tears that had begun to flow again, breaking through his scowl. "Blaine already does a-and I can't lose you t-too."

"Oh sweetie," she cooed, placing her mug on the table and Kurt felt her arms wrap securely around his shoulders. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you and neither could he. He just needs to cool down a bit and then he'll be back and you guys will talk and he'll shower you in love and adoration and everything else that made us all gag and at the same time insanely jealous in high school. It's going to be okay, Kurt," she finished with a light kiss to his wet cheek and squeeze before pulling up the seat next to him.

"He's right though. I think I've really messed this up."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked bringing a hand to rub his back. "I promise I'm not trying to pry. I know it's a habit of mine but it's not like that this time. I promise."

"Rachel, I can't," he pleaded even though he wanted nothing more than to talk to someone.

"Why not?"

"Because he's the only one who knows," he answered dejectedly. Maybe that was part of the problem. Because Blaine was the only one who knew, neither of them could turn to anyone else. They truly only had each other and this situation had clearly grown too big for them to handle on their own with no other outlet.

"Knows what?"

"I'm, um, I'm asexual." That was literally the first time he'd said it out loud. Blaine had been so perceptive and attentive in the beginning that he'd never had to actually say it. Kurt could not help but wish they could just go back to the beginning and that first kiss in the Dalton common room before all this sex stuff was something that was clearly on the forefront of his boyfriend's mind.

"Oh," the other replied in surprise. "Kurt, I had no idea."

"No, I know. I'm glad you didn't. I didn't want anyone to know."

"Why not? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Sure it might complicate things slightly but so what?"

"I guess if no one knew it was easier to ignore and think that Blaine might actually stick around," he whispered, bringing his coffee mug up to his face in attempts to hide. "I'd be too hard to listen to everyone talk about how hard it must be for Blaine and how he's doing me some big favour. I know he loves me but it's already hard enough to not think like that.

"No, hey, shhhhh. Of course that'd be hard for you."

"I think that's the part of the problem though. Neither of us has anyone else to talk to about this and everything was fine until he moved in but since then it's been weird and I feel like I can't talk to him."

"Well, start with me then. Now that I know, what's the other part of the problem?" She asked lightly, taking a sip of her own coffee. He hesitated a bit before indulging her. He'd never been one to talk about his relationship. This was different though. This time he was desperate to get everything out and find a way to put it all back together. It was too daunting to do on his own and at the moment, Blaine was not an option. Rachel seemed genuine, her hand had not stopped rubbing his back since she had sat down and her smile was warm.

"He won't kiss me anymore. He won't cuddle or dance or hold my hand or anything. It all just stopped after he moved in. I don't know why and I don't feel like I can ask him for it because really, I'm the one telling him no."

"Because you don't want to have sex and he does," she clarified. He nodded minutely, his gaze fixed on his drink. "And what happened this morning?"

"I woke up and he was in the shower. He's never there when I wake up and it made me really sad this morning because it was cold and I had had all these visions of us snuggling up together in bed on cold mornings. I went into the bathroom to warm up and just to be with him. When he got out, he let me kiss him, properly. It's been over a month since he last let me. It felt so good and like it was all fixed but then..." He trailed off as it all came back to him. Suddenly talking to Rachel seemed like a bad idea. She was like Blaine and everyone else. She liked sex and had had sex and would not understand.

"Then...what?" He didn't answer. He couldn't. He was about to stand up and retreat to his room when Rachel continued. "From what I overheard earlier, I'm going to guess that he got aroused and you felt it."

"Oh my god! How much did you hear?" He asked horrified and embarrassed because she knew and there was nowhere to hide.

"A lot," she answered apologetically. "Look, I'm not going to pretend to know what that meant or felt like to you but Blaine's right when he says he's not one of those guys. Sex isn't just physical to him. If it was then it wouldn't matter who he got it from but it does matter," she looked at him pointedly and although he did not turn to meet he gaze, Kurt could infer that that meant it was only him that affected Blaine this way. That thought was a little overwhelming. "There's emotional meaning behind it. It's an extension of his love. And that meaning isn't just there during sex, it's there when he gets aroused too. It puts him in a very vulnerable position because it's not simply his physical pleasure on the line, it's his heart. I don't know if this is too much information but I guarantee you he gets hard every time you guys make out. Before he moved in though, you guys didn't get the opportunity that often so suppressing it wasn't a big deal. But now, it's got to be a daily thing, if not more, and every time he ignores it or tries to hide it, he's subconsciously telling himself he's not good enough or worthy enough of your love, that he's just some horny jerk pressuring his boyfriend into something he doesn't want. He's not though. He's one of the good guys."

"I know he's one of the good guys," he responded after a long pause. Absorbing all that was a difficult task after spending years of pushing away anything sex related. He had been so scared in the beginning that there was something wrong with him and that he'd never find anyone who loved him that he had ended up lumping all sexual activity into one pile, the bad pile. He had shut himself off from beauty of it and not that that really changed how he felt about his own sexual nature but it turned his boyfriend's into something dark to be avoided instead of something light to be cherished. That was the next problem. "How do I give him what he needs without having sex him though?" He asked seriously.

"What about sexual like activities that aren't quite sex? Start slow. Let him rub against you when you're making out. Let him touch himself. You could even touch him too," she stated a little too blatantly for his liking. "Now I assume that these aren't things you're comfortable with right now but I think you need to figure out if they could be in the future cause if not..." She trailed off but Kurt understood.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he answered softly. "I'll have to let him go."


	17. Chapter 15 : Part 3

**A/N: and here is part 3. There may or may not be a chapter next weekend b/c it's finals season so if there isn't an update for a while please don't think it's been abandoned b/c it hasn't. I promise!**

Also, to SD, even though your review was anonymous, I felt that it needed to be addressed because honestly, blaming Kurt for not wanting sex is the last thing I am trying to do here. Blaine's known about Kurt's asexuality for almost 2 years at this point and never once has he pressured him for more or made him feel as if he wasn't being a proper boyfriend because of it. Blaine is extremely accepting and understanding but at the end of the day, he himself is sexual and not being able to have sex with Kurt is hard for him when he is 18 and that madly in love and attracted to him. What makes it worse, and why this fight happened, was because Kurt was so opposed to anything sexual, quite freaked out by it honestly, that it started to make Blaine feel like a monster because he wanted it even if he wasn't asking for it. At the end of the last chapter, when Rachel implicated that they might have to go their separate ways, it wasn't about blaming Kurt for their relationship not working, it was simply about their relationship not working. Being sexual, Blaine has just as much right to want sex than Kurt has to not want it being asexual. Of course, Blaine can't demand it, and he hasn't, but he has the right to say that he's not happy in a relationship where sex is not part of the equation, especially if it's making him feel like a bad person. And yeah, maybe his blow up at Kurt could be seen as he was blaming Kurt but he was upset. When people argue, they say things that they shouldn't or don't mean. And if there was blame there, it was because of the way Kurt was making him feel, not because he was denying him sex. I'm sorry if this note is now longer than the actual chapter but I just needed to clear that up. And SD, in no way am I trying to say that what you saw when you read was wrong. Maybe I need to go back and read it through and make changes so it doesn't come across that way because that is 100% not what I'm trying to portray in this story. No one else has really expressed any concern yet but if any other readers feel this way, please let me know and I will seriously take some time to go through the story and fix it. 

He stopped at the coffee shop on the way home after having dinner with Wes. He had not really talked to Wes about the situation other than that he just needed to be out of house for a bit. His friend had understood and kept him plenty occupied with video games and old Dalton gossip that gave him an escape when he wanted it but was mindless enough that he could still think about that morning and his plan for moving forwards when he needed to. And he did need to. Not packing an overnight bag ensured this.

The conclusion he came to scared him honestly. He could not picture his life without Kurt but the pain had grown too strong that it was pushing him out into that unknown that he feared. Nothing was definite yet. He was too level headed to do something rash before regrouping with Kurt first. Maybe the bow up had enlightened something in his boyfriend. Maybe they would be able to work something out, something that Blaine hoped resembled horny teenagers, frotting against one another, too shy to remove clothes just yet. It sounded pathetic even to him but he knew it would be monumental for Kurt. That was the condition and the stakes meant that the non-fat mocha latte he was holding in his left hand while he scribbled a note on the paper cup may have been the last one he buys.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Kurt asked softly, eyes wide and terrified, glued to the side of the cup still in Blaine's hand. His boyfriend was perched on their bed doing homework and his hand had frozen in mid-air as he spotted the note, the one that read 'I'll always love you, my teenage dream,' while reaching out to accept the peace offering.

"No! No,no. I mean yes," he stuttered out in a rush, taking a seat opposite Kurt. "I-It's, well it's true and I meant it but it's not meant to be an end…unless we need it to be," he finished softly.

"I'm sorry," Kurt stated after a pause where they simply gazed at each other, trying to read if the other had come to a definite conclusion on that end yet. Relief washed over him at those words and the tone in which it was said and the look in the blue eyes. It was unsure and searching, hopeful in a way that made Blaine not only believe the remorse but also that there want to move forward together. "I'm so sorry Blaine."

"I am too, KK."

They spent the night talking. It was already ten by the time Blaine had nervously knocked of their bedroom door and there a lot to discuss. They had begun sitting cross-legged across from each other but over the course of making more coffee and refilling mugs and bathroom breaks they had shifted to the floor, then back to the bed, leaning against the headboard, and then Kurt resting between his legs, leaning into his chest. It felt good. Better than it had in a long time now they were being honest and close and cuddly again. Blaine had almost forgotten how good it felt to just hold Kurt. To feel the warm body pressed to his and mold to his, fitting perfectly into every dip and curve and hallow. His head was hooked over Kurt's broad shoulder, his nose buried in the long, pale neck. He had to admit that that was probably his favorite part of his boyfriend and although he had not been granted access to much more, he doubted anything would change when it eventually was.

He sighed, breathing in deeply the soft scent that was simply Kurt. It was heavenly and light and at the same time there was a strong essence of boy that made him swoon and his knees weak. There had not been any words in a while. Both of their voices were groggy with fatigue and overuse. His lips were chapped from crying but they perked up at the proximity to his boyfriend's neck. He tentatively pressed them to the protruding tendon. He felt the vibrations of his boyfriend's gentle and relaxed hum as the other boy tipped his head further back on his shoulder, presenting more of his neck, if that was even possible. Blaine nosed his way along the soft skin, going slowly because even though they had talked and apologised and listened and Kurt had agreed that a little more exploring could be a good thing, slow was still a thing they needed right now.

As his lips returned he felt that tell-tale tingle down below. His grip tightened around Kurt's waist instinctively, trying to keep him from running away. "Sorry," he whispered lightly as the other stiffened in his lap. Kurt did not pull away though and it took him a few minutes to relax fully again but he was still there, still touching him, still allowing Blaine to kiss and suck and bit lightly at his neck. He still allowed Blaine to love him.

"No. You're not supposed to be sorry anymore," he responded fondly.

"We can rearrange if it's, you know, uncomfortable in the poking you awkwardly type way," he stuttered out shyly.

"No, it's fine," Kurt chuckled back, turning his head towards him for a kiss. Blaine obliged and ended up laughing himself at the weird angle they were trying to kiss in. He mostly ended up with Kurt's flushed cheek and was fairly certain that Kurt ended up with air. In the end, his boyfriend settled for his own cheek and Blaine could feel the smile in pink lips before they pulled away. That smile was the best feeling in the world. It was better than a warm bed after a long day, or hot chocolate sliding down his throat on a cold day, or even the summer rain cleansing his skin. And feeling that smile, knowing that Kurt was feeling him, was just unbelievably incredible.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Kurt asked, pulling him from his happy little trance.

"Nothing. Just how perfect this all feels," he answered softly.

"It does, doesn't it?" the other responded, toying with Blaine's hands that were clasped snuggly around his chest.

"Does it really though?" He asked tentatively in fear that Kurt was putting on a mask for him.

"Yeah. It's a little overwhelming but your chest and arms and lips just feel like home."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I guess it's partly because it never happens to me so I don't understand why it does to you. You say it happens because of me but I'm not doing anything."

"You don't have to do anything. You get me this way just by being your sexy self."

"You think I'm sexy?" Blaine nodded into Kurt's shoulder with a hum in response. "I don't even really know what that means."

"It means that you're gorgeous and smart and fun and fit for only a prince's gaze," he answered wistfully.

"It's a good thing you're my prince then." Blaine simply smiled in response and they were quiet for a while again before Kurt spoke shyly and curiously. "What does it feel like?"

"What does what feel like? _It_?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, um…." He did not really know how to answer that one. At the beginning it was so subtle of a feeling that it was hard to compare to anything else. It was not until it throbbed that the description became easy but that is not really the picture he wanted to paint. Kurt was trying here. He was reaching out and opening himself up to sexuality in a way he had never done before and Blaine did not want to scare him away. "Well, it's a good feeling. All the blood rushes down so your head gets a little light. Only a little though. You hardly notice unless you're paying attention which you never really are because there is clearly something else that has your attention. And then everything is warm and tingly down there. It's like the nerve endings doubled in number and they scream at every little brush. Kinda like when your hands get really cold and then if you hit them against something it hurts like a gazillion times more except that that hurt isn't hurt and it's wanted so bad." He paused to see if Kurt was still with him.

"What about when it does get that….touch?" Blaine breathed in heavily, steadying himself. Talking about this stuff with Kurt was almost like getting that touch.

"Well the warmth and tingle builds and then your head gets really delirious because suddenly that's all you can focus on. Your hips start moving on their own accord, chasing whatever is giving you that feeling. And then suddenly, everything gets really tight and concentrated and explodes throughout your body and limbs leaving everything warm and limp and your head floating somewhere on a cloud."

"That kinda sounds heavenly," Kurt whispered behind a yawn.

"Yeah. It does." It had been a while since he had been able to float on that cloud and relish in that post orgasmic high without getting bogged down in the guilt and shame. He wanted it badly but for tonight, while they were going slowly, they had explored enough. "We should get some sleep," he suggested, glancing over at the alarm clock on the side table. "It's after three."

"Oh, wow. Okay, sleep it is," Kurt agreed standing from the bed to go switch off the light. "Do you, um…would it be easier if you were the little spoon," he asked as he climbed back in beside him. Blaine looked over in surprise, a smile spreading across his face. It was hard to believe that one little gesture could mean so much to him but it did. It really did.

"Yeah, it would actually," he replied, leaning over to kiss Kurt soundly, cupping his face in both hands as if it were the most precious thing in the world, before turning away from him and snuggling back into his chest. As Kurt's arm snaked around his waist, he'd never felt as warm and safe and loved.


	18. Chapter 16

During that long conversation on that long night it had been agreed upon that they would just try and let things happen as naturally as possible. Kurt did not like the having to think about sexual things. If they planned out an evening in advance to explore a little further, that night would take over his mind and because he had no previous good experience to go on, the thoughts and images would soon lump themselves into that bad pile again. When he listened to Blaine describe the feeling it honestly did not sound like a bad thing at all and if they could start out the way they had in their little Valentine's Day fib, well that sounded even better but it was when his mind was left to its own devices that the thoughts twisted. It was almost as if his boyfriend had some sort of magic power that kept everything safe and special. That was why nothing was planned out and it was left up to the right time and mood and feeling, and setting.

There were however still evident differences in their dynamic. Kurt had taken a fond liking to his new role as the big spoon. He loved waking up with his boyfriend sleeping securely and snuggly in his arms. It gave him a vantage point of the boy that he rarely saw. Typically, in his eyes, Blaine was strong and masculine and ready to take on the world. Holding him like this though, made the Warbler seem smaller and younger, more fragile and innocent, like he needed Kurt's arms around him at night. Being needed like that seemed to put them on the same level and even though Kurt knew it was petty, it still made him feel good, like he had a proper place in their relationship.

This position also allowed for exploring opportunity on his end. It was easy to let his hand stray from where it was clasped with Blaine's and wander over the other's chest, from his protruding collar bone, down over his toned stomach to the dip in his hip bones. None of this was exactly unmapped territory but it was rare that used to trek this way, especially when he slipped his hand beneath the thin, cotton, t-shirt and made contact with the tan skin dusted with dark hair. It always amazed him how warm the skin was. It never felt quite that warm through the shirt.

Usually when he explored, Blaine was asleep. He kept it light, aimlessly finding a groove to stroke along so as to relax and sooth instead of disturb. This morning though, Blaine was already awake and as Kurt went to loosen his grip on the other's hand to, his boyfriend's grip tightened around his, keeping them connected, and then proceeded to guide his touches. This was not the first time Blaine had done this but it was rare. There was still quiet during these moments, almost as if as if Blaine really was asleep, but his fingers always became more deliberate along with the press of his lips against the back of the other's neck. He could tell from the heavy breathing of his boyfriend that these touches were far from relaxing. Usually, Blaine kept his own movements slow and kept their connected hands away from any area that Kurt had not previously visited on his own. Kurt could tell that this was a struggle at times. Whether or not that struggle was to keep those hands in safe territory or to prevent himself from rolling over and returning the favour, as so to speak, he did not know although he suspected it was a combination. There was still something different about this morning though.

Blaine kept their hands low and on skin. Usually there was a bit of a warm up over his shirt before he would duck them under but not today. Today, it seemed to Kurt that his boyfriend needed more. He did not know why. It was neither a particularly hot August day, nor was it cool. Rachel had not vacated the apartment for a substantial amount of time. It was not a Birthday or anniversary or anything that meant anything significant to either of them. It seemed like every other morning when they either had the day off or classes and shifts started late and they could laze away in bed but even those days were not a rarity in the summer. Maybe this was just one of those things that he would not understand though and so Kurt decided not to question it and just to see where this would take them.

Their hands spent a lot of time stroking along the waist band of Blaine's pyjama bottoms. Although really, Kurt thought that elastic was sitting just a too low on his boyfriend's hips to be called a waist band. They did not stop just there though. After a long while of stroking over the ridge of the prominent hip bones and across the gathering of dark hair, Blaine guided their hands to follow that trail down, where it disappeared below his silk, blue material.

Kurt could feel both of their hands tense, Blaine's probably to keep from going too fast for the both of them and his because the implications could no longer be hid from and they were things that were entirely new and things that honestly, he used to fear. By the way his heart sped up and his breath grew shaky, the fear was evidently still there. Unlike before though, the fear no longer meant that he did not want it, or really, that he did not want Blaine to have it. It simply meant that this was new and there was a sudden build-up of pressure to succeed in this task, to prove to Blaine that this was something he could do for him.

This pressure built as the hair beneath his fingers grew denser and then again when he felt his hand begin to encircle the distinctive bulge, encased in eerily smooth and soft skin. He knew the basics from what he had picked up from school or television but stroking was about all he knew. He did not know how fast or how tight and the angle was weird and he did not know how to fix it. As the question began to swirl with the pressure and with the knowledge of what he was doing, the panic of surrounding sex came back. That was the last thing he could handle at the moment. He needed to take the sex away from the activity. At the moment though, with his boyfriend's cock sitting heavily, almost pulsing, in his hand while the hips it was attached to tried desperately to not trust forwards, this seemed an impossible task.

"Blaine," he whispered reluctantly into the curls at the base of his neck, not wanting to break the silence. "Can you turn around maybe?"

The other boy nodded and after a quick shuffle, Kurt's hand returned to the depths of his boyfriend's pants but this time when he looked up, his eyes met Blaine's. Even if the golden orbs were noticeably darker than Kurt was used to, there was still a light behind them, like the windows to his soul were still open and warm and still very much Blaine. It made the sexual activity suddenly less about some corrupted, physical, need that Kurt just could not understand and more about the boy looking back at him with such vulnerability and yet undeniable trust that could have only existed between them because of the love they shared.

There was an overwhelming feeling of love that washed over him as he continued to hold Blaine's gaze. That soft, unsure wanting that was staring back at him made something click. The idea that sex could constructive and about love and connection instead of simply getting off seemed quite possible now and maybe it still did ring true in all cases, Kurt was fairly certain that it did here, when it was just him and Blaine, tucked away, warm in bed in the early morning.

His hand picked up tempo quickly. He still had very little idea as to what he was doing but nothing seemed to affect Blaine in a negative way. His hazel eyes hazed over and his plump lips trembled as his quickened breath rushed past them. It was not long before Blaine's whole body was trembling beside him and Kurt felt the gooey substance coat his hand. He was actually rather surprised at how quick it was over. It all seemed to have taken place when he was gently coaxing Blaine awake with lazy kisses to the back over his neck and tickling his fingers over the exposed skin on his tummy and hips, all before it became overtly sexual. The way his boyfriend slumped heavily against him though, made Kurt realise that it was far from over.

His weight was heavy in a way Kurt had never really experienced. It was as if every other time Blaine had laid against him in so form, the boy had always been putting some of his weight elsewhere. Now though, it seemed that the other was too blissed out in a sleepy haze to care about whatever his reasoning was. Kurt smiled down at him in awe for a moment, basking in the warmth and the closeness and not really thinking about what had just happened but more about how angelic and peaceful Blaine looked and how the full weight of his body felt good resting against his. Even the dampness in his curls caused from sweat felt good to Kurt for some reason as he carded his fingers through them and he found himself slipping into a pseudo, post orgasmic, haze.

The sound of Rachel turning on the shower brought him back to the reality that his fingers were beginning to stick, not only together, but to the inside of Blaine's boxers where they still rested.

"Mmmm, stay still," Blaine grumbled as Kurt shifted so he could pull his hand out.

"If I stay any longer my hand'll be there permanently," he chuckled back.

"I may be able to live with that."

Kurt shot a chastising glare to the top of Blaine's head at the suggestive comment but smiled again when the sleepy boy snuggled himself closer once his hand had been freed. He peered curiously at it for a moment as he held it far away from his face. It did not look as gross as it felt. It almost looked like the vanilla ice cream that had melted over his hand a few days ago when they had gone for a walk and stopped for a treat. He cautiously brought the hand closer, inspecting it the whole way to make sure nothing dripped or attacked. "It smells weird," was the only conclusion he was willing to make.

"Hum?" Blaine replied distractedly.

"Your…._stuff,_ it smells weird."

"Oh my god," the other groaned, finally lifting his head from where it was buried in Kurt's neck. Kurt noted the bright pink hue to his cheeks and could not help himself from kissing them and their adorableness. "Why are you smelling it?"

"Curiosity. Some people eat it."

"I'm not sure eating is the correct term," Blaine chuckled as he pushed himself from the bed.

"No. Where are you going?" He whined, sad to see their little morning of exploration come to an end. It was definitely something he would not mind trying again. He had not stuck to his plan of letting Blaine touch himself first and then beginning with over the pants stuff but that did not seem to matter at this point. Everything had felt right and progressed naturally and nothing within himself had collapsed. If anything, he felt a little strong, more confident, even as he petulantly asked Blaine to stay by his side.

"I'm just getting a cloth to clean your hand. I'll be back, my prince, fear not."


	19. Chapter 17

He made his way quickly to the bathroom before the sound of Rachel singing registered and he turned the other way towards the kitchen. He pulled off two pieces of paper towel and held them under the tap and then used one to clean himself off before taking the second back to Kurt. Walking back to the bedroom was considerably more comfortable than leaving had been. When he was lying heavily in Kurt's arms, the stickiness had not bothered him. He was too content to finally get to bask in the afterglow and not have to hurry up and finish his shower while being ridden with guilt. It had finally felt right in a way that he had always imagined but had never experienced and that relief and that high and amazement had clouded the fact that his boxers had begun to stick to some very sensitive skin.

"Okay, here we go," he chimed as he climbed back onto the bed and picked up Kurt's messy hand. Despite the hasty job he had made of his own clean up, Blaine took his time with his boyfriend. He went finger by finger, delicately cleaning the skin that Kurt spent so much time caring for. His thumb stroked back and forth over the veins on the slim wrist, feeling the steady pulse as he brought each fingertip softly to his lips once he had decided they were properly cleaned.

A heavy quiet drifted over them. It was not awkward or unpalatable though. It simply seemed to push away the rest of the world, Rachel's singing, the traffic outside, and bring them closer. It made the heat radiating from Kurt's pale skin where his lips touched seem hotter.

"Thank-you," he murmured as he moved his kisses down the open palm.

"You're welcome," Kurt answered softly and Blaine felt his other hand come up to cup his stubbly cheek.

"You have no idea how much that meant to me, KK. I-I don't even know how to explain."

"You don't have to. I know, B. I could see it in your eyes. I can still see it."

"Oh god," he huffed, hanging his head in embarrassment. Even if this was something he wanted more than anything, it still left him feeling very exposed. He could not deny that a bit of self-consciousness had crept out as Kurt's hand had wrapped around him. Not that size or girth or cut or not particularly mattered in this, of all cases, but the thoughts still stirred. The shy smile that lit his face even when eye contact was too difficult proved that it was nothing that would not go away after a few months.

His smile was mirrored by his boyfriend's own although Kurt's had a hint of a smirk to it. If that grin was anything like his own it meant that this would not be a onetime thing that Kurt would try to forget about. Blaine still needed to make sure though. This had gone the other way too many times not to.

"So," he began, shifting his position so he was straddling Kurt's thighs and sitting in his lap. "You feel good about this right?"

"Well maybe not as good as you." The smirk grew. "But yeah, it felt good," he ended genuinely, leaning forwards for a kiss.

"So this can be something we do now?"

"Yeah," Kurt answered softly with a slight nod. "I suppose it can."

"Like when you jump in the shower after a long day and I light the candles and put on the music and we dance and cuddle and then now we can do this too?"

"No. Well um….yeah, no."

"No?"

"No…..I don't know, it's just those nights have become our special thing. And I know where it all started from and all but still. That's about us. This is about you. No, Blaine, don't look at me like that. It's true and it isn't a bad thing. Couples are allowed to do things together that are really just for one of them. And it's fine. It didn't hurt me in any way. It just didn't do a lot for me either. I don't mind doing it again. I _want_ to do it again because now that I can, I want to be able to give you what you need to be fully happy in this relationship. I just don't want the stuff that used to be about us to turn into being all about you. And I'm not saying that this stuff shouldn't be special because it should and it deserves to be so, I just think we need to come up with another time to make it special. Is that okay?"

"That's perfectly okay," he answered with a genuine grin. It definitely altered his own vision. He had been seeing those nights going that one step further even before they started happening. He had never put too much stock into it, never assuming Kurt would become okay with going further but always thinking that if it did, those nights would be the would be when it happened. He understood Kurt's reasoning though mostly because he understood Kurt and he could adapt to that. If there was anything he had learned about himself since meeting the boy on those Dalton steps almost three years ago now was that he could adapt and adapting was perfectly okay.

That left him with a burning question though. "But, when then?"

"Well, surprisingly enough, I liked what just happened. Maybe on mornings when we get to sleep in a bit, maybe those could be your mornings? Or, I don't know, maybe we could come up with something completely different. I'm definitely open to suggestions here . This is for you after all."

"Mmm, mornings sound good," he hummed against Kurt's lips after leaning in and kissing them soundly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now come back here and kiss me," he demanded, snaking his arms up around the slim, pale neck and reveling in the feeling of his boyfriend's strong arms wrapping around his back and pulling him close, wanting him, mind, body, and soul.

Over the next few months mornings where there was no school and no work became his time. Blaine still did not really like thinking of it that way. Sex was supposed to be something intimate that was _shared_ with the person you loved. He understood where Kurt was coming from though and he knew that that needed to be a shared idea or else there was a risk that he would forget about making sure they did stuff for Kurt. Blaine just needed to find a better way to integrate what had become a Sunday morning routine once school picked up for both of them in the fall into something that flowed more naturally into their lives and felt a little less scheduled. Although, he would take scheduled over nothing at all any day. Hearing the door to the loft rattle shut as Rachel left early to work on some number for school gave him an idea.

It was still early. He would have happily slept longer if the tender lips on the back of his had not woken him. Blaine was certainly not complaining and neither was his cock which was already half hard before his mind was fully out of the sleepy fog. It was not clear for long though and soon slipped into a different type of fog as his boyfriend rolled him over onto his back and proceed to climb on top and reach below his boxers. The only thing that kept him remotely grounded was the heavy press of Kurt's lips to his but even that failed when his boyfriend brought him to his peak. The sound of the door brought him back to the stick shorts and the cooling sweat and the blue eyes, that although were peering at him in adoration and awe, were also itching to go clean up as well.

"Hey, why don't we go clean up together?" He suggested softly, lifting his still too heavy arms from where they had slumped to the bed back around Kurt's trim waist.

"What do you mean?"

"That maybe we could go jump in the shower but, you know….together."

"Oh?...yeah, um, I guess that would be okay," the other answered somewhat timidly, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth.

"You sure?" They had never seen each other naked before. They had gotten down to bare chests and underwear on those nights with the candles and the dancing but never beyond that. He knew that although Kurt was growing increasing okay with his sexual nature, he still did not like the idea of himself, his body in particular, being to object of Blaine's physical desire and so Blaine knew this would be a bit of a wall that they would need to break down gently.

"Um…..yeah…..," he nodded, almost as if he was using the action to convince himself.

"Kurt?"

"No. I want to. I do. I've actually thought about maybe doing this for a while. It sounds so heavenly. It's just the naked thing but…," he paused, sucking in a deep breath. "I want to. Come on, let's go."

**A/N: So just a heads up, the next chapter is shaping up to be the last chapter of this story. To be perfectly honest, the ending just sorta snuck up on me. I think I should listen though. Hopefully I'll have it up on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day at the latest! **


	20. Chapter 18

He made it to the bathroom before Blaine which surprised him slightly considering his nerves. He busied himself with the taps to make sure the water was hot but not quite scalding. He felt hands on his back, stroking in the way that rucked up his t-shirt enough that it had to be on purpose. He had to smile though. If there was one thing he had learned from opening himself up to Blaine's sexuality it was that sometimes his boyfriend just had no shame. It was such a contrast from that dapper gentleman he had met on the stairs at Dalton and yet in there was still no denying that it was still the boy he loved.

"Hey," he laughed, turning and relaxing into the bare chest and biting his tongue at the way Blaine's pyjama shirt and been unceremoniously strewn on the tile floor.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just seem awfully eager considering what we did less than ten minutes ago," he answered with a smirk aimed at the hands already creeping under his own shirt.

"Oh, my precious, innocent prince. You have so much to learn about sexual men. We are always horny. Always."

"Okay if you want to get me naked you need to pretend not to be that horny alpha male for the next twenty minutes and put on your perfect, understanding, adoring mask."

"It's not a mask. No one has to fake adoring you."

"Ah, there you go."

"Arms up," Blaine whispered sweetly.

"Fold it!"

"Anything for you." Kurt would have smacked him but the words were surprisingly genuine. "Now, me first?"

"Y-yeah."

Blaine stepped back slightly from where they were standing practically chest to chest. He kept his eyes up out of courtesy. It had taken him a while to become comfortable with the bare chest thing. He knew it would take even longer to become comfortable with being fully bare. The best way he knew how to do this was to pretend like everything was the same as before until his heart remained at the same pace when his boyfriend's fingers curled into the elastic waist band.

"Okay, well one down," Blaine smiled shyly at him after fumbling to unhook his underwear from his left foot. There was a prominent blush gracing his cheeks that Kurt was almost mesmerized by. It was one of the things he loved most about more physical intimacy with Blaine. It brought out a school boy quality in his boyfriend that was not only irresistibly adorable but endearing to the point where Kurt's heart almost ached at being trusted so fully by him to be invited into this vulnerable state. He looked so little and sweet but Kurt refrained from stating so. He felt that Blaine would not appreciate the image as much as he did.

"One to go. Do you think you could maybe do it? I'm not sure I actually can."

"Really?"

"Shut up. I'm not the one blushing from tripping over my boxers."

"Way to kick a man when he's down. Now, come here," he chuckled, kneeling down and reaching out to take Kurt's hips in his hands. He felt thumbs dip under his waist band and shivered involuntarily. The room was already warm from the running shower so it was not from being cold. Blaine looked up him, his golden eyes soft and caring, clearly sensing his nerves. "Hey," he greeted quietly.

"Hi."

His own hands cupped Blaine's and squeezed tight as they simply watched each other for several minutes, waiting for a yes or no. Steam began to fill the room. The mirror began to fog. He shivered again as Blaine leaned forwards and pressed his lips softly to the top of his waist band. Kurt did not understand why his boyfriend would want to nuzzle his nose into the faint trail of hair on his lower stomach but he was not about to question what felt good. His eyes slipped closed in relaxation and his breath slowed to a pace set by Blaine's light kisses. There was just something so powerful about it, like he was literally connected to Blaine, like they were functioning as one.

"Blaine…." He could not find the words but Blaine understood as if their minds were one.

Before he knew it, his pyjama bottoms, along with his boxer briefs, were folded neatly on top of his shirt and he was standing under the perfectly hot water. They kissed lips, jaws, and necks while Blaine's hands rested firmly on the small of his back, his fingers happily toying with the dimples that sat just a little lower. He could feel Blaine hard against his thigh while he himself remained completely flaccid. It was just such a stark contrast. Blaine was upright and flushed and almost twice his size. They were both boys. They both had the same parts. In theory that meant there should be something comforting in the similar anatomy when seeing it for the first time. Kurt found that the differences were vastly outweighing these similarities though. It was such a vicious reminder of living in a world in which he was always on the outside.

"Mmm, you're gorgeous. You know that?" Blaine mumbled as he rested their foreheads together. Kurt ducked his eyes as he felt his cheeks heat. The words pulling him closer in.

"The water's gonna get cold," he pointed out lamely. Receiving compliments was not something he did well.

"I guess we should get going on the washing then."

Blaine turned around and picked up his luffa and body wash. Kurt was about to pounce. He did not let anyone touch his products but then Blaine was back in front of him and the luffa was being rubbed across his shoulder. The gentle scratch was the perfect pressure against his smooth, sensitive skin. Blaine even had the circumference of the circular motion right. As the suds foamed and their minty scent filled the small shower, Kurt could almost feel the sweat simply lift and wash away under the hot stream along with his inhibitions and insecurities and as Blaine continued, washing his arms, his chest, his back, his legs, Kurt realised something. His words earlier were not necessarily pulling Kurt closer to that world he was never a part of; they were solidifying the foundation for the new world that they were building together. Blaine was making it okay for him to be who he was in their own little world only big enough for two.

The love and comfort that encased him at the realization gave him the courage to guide his boyfriend's hand down from where it was tentatively hovering between the dimples in his lower back. The next few minutes seemed to last a life time. It was not bad. It was simply an intense intimacy and yet there was very little that was simple about it. This was a huge boundary for him but it finally felt good to be felt. He honestly had never seen this as something he could be okay with. Although if he was being honest, giving his boyfriend handjobs was something he never saw in his future either. Kurt could tell from Blaine's very focused grip on his hip and very deliberate circular motions that his boyfriend knew the significance here too. The fact that Blaine just knew and did not have to be told meant a lot. It meant he understood the thing that Kurt had been convinced no one ever would. That was why this was okay and why he was a little saddened when Blaine declared his body clean. The feeling disappeared quickly though as the fingers slipped soothingly into his hair, massaging in his shampoo.

"Mmmmm, that feels so good," he groaned letting his body relax back into Blaine's chest. He relaxed so much that it almost felt as if he was floating. His mind seemed to disappear as well. There was no other thought in there other than his boyfriend's fingers in his usually out of bounds hair.

"Now who sounds awfully eager?"

"Shut up and let me enjoy it."

"Oh you're not having any trouble there."

"I can't help it. Your hands are heavenly," he half moaned, his head tilting subconsciously to follow Blaine's hands. "We need to do this more often."

"Well why don't expand our little morning rituals to include this?"

"Is this some ploy to increase their frequency?"

"Maybe….."

They stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. Kurt usually got out when it turned luke warm but with Blaine's arms around him, a combination of extra body heat and sheer peaceful bliss that was provided by the company, it felt too good to leave. Blaine hopped out first though and once he was gone, the chill finally broke through the protective barrier and Kurt began to question his own sanity. The coherent thoughts fogged over once his boyfriend returned with a towel around his waist, wrapping a second around Kurt's shoulders.

"Warm?"

"Getting there," he answered as Blaine pressed a kiss to his nose before turning away and making his way to the vanity. "Oh wait. Can I try again? Or is Sweeny Todd still giving you nightmares? "

"Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, of course," Blaine stammered back. There was a smile on his face though when he handed over the razor and hopped playfully up onto the counter. "This started out quite well last time if I remember correctly."

"I think that was the problem," he chuckled, stepping in between Blaine thighs and steadying himself by placing his left hand on his stubbly cheek. He let his mind wander back to that last time, where it had started as a desperate attempt to connect and ended in disaster. There had been a good portion when he his lips had found Blaine's jaw, just as they had now, but even then it had not been quite right. It had just been a hollow cover up for what they had both been bottling up for too long. It had been purely physical which never worked well for him. Now though, it was right. He had never felt more loved and more in love and more comfortable in his own skin and his own life and more excited for tomorrow and the future. "There! All smoothy, smooth," he declared after thorough inspection with his lips.

"Thank-you," Blaine answered chipperly, hopping off the counter and gathering up his clothes. "As a thanks, would you like some boyfriend made cookies?"

"I'd love some. I need to run out for a bit though. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I'll have them ready when you get back."

"Warm from the oven?"

"Nothing but the best for my sweet prince."

* * *

When he returned to the loft, the sweet, chocolaty scent of freshly baked cookies hit him and engulfed him like a warm, snuggly hug, drawing him in. His boyfriend appeared quickly from the kitchen engulfing him in a real hug and then literally pulling him eagerly towards the kitchen. Baking cookies always brought out the puppy like qualities in Blaine. Kurt decided it was from the sugar in all the raw dough he consumed.

"Hurry up! They're really good. Like, exceptionally good this time. And I just pulled a batch out so the chocolate would still be gooey. Hurrrrryyyyy!"

And then Blaine was off, scurrying towards the cooling rack to pick out the perfect cookie for him to try. Kurt found his hand reaching into his pocket before he could really think it through. This was perfect though, just him and Blaine being happy together. There was no need to re-question and re-reason. He had done that all the way home and had come to the same conclusion that had prompted his outing in the first place. So he didn't. He acted. He pulled his hand from his pocket, his fingers clutched around a small, velvet box. He took another step into the kitchen, dropping to one knee. He then waited, with bated breath, for the boy he loved to turn around and then he spoke.

"Blaine, will you marry me?"

There was a bit of a stunned pause before, to Kurt's utter joy, the over eager nodding began and the tears threatened to spill. He had not doubted Blaine's answer but anticipating and actually witnessing were two totally different things. Kurt almost found himself being swept off his feet by the response, the surprise, the giddiness, the death grip of a hug, the complete disregard to the fact that the coveted cookie had been dropped on the floor.

"Yes! Yes, of course I'll marry you!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"We're getting married?"

"We're getting married! We're getting married."

"I love you, Blaine."

"I love you too, KK. More than you could imagine."

**A/N: And there you have it :) i know it may be cheesy to end on an engagement but idk, it felt right. I went back on forth on whether to have the engagement like it was or to have kurt just ask blaine spontaneously during the shaving when the realization struck him. but i hope this way works for everyone and i hope you all enjoyed the story. This was one of those ideas that would just not leave my head and i had to get out. i hope i did it justice. **

**Thank-you for all the support **  
**Merry Christmas...or, you know, whatever it is you do at this time of year :P**

**Katie**


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